my glorious 15 minutes

Background infos: the first time i’ve been on fucked up’s blog i read a really horrible but entertaining interview made by a russian guy. A year and some months latter i decided on a hot summer day during a boring bus trip home from a faild exam i’m gonna be even dumber than that dude and send these weirdly stupid questions to the band. The concept (in case you want one) was that I the biggest noone will make an interview with one of the most hyped contemporary punk band. It kinda shocked me how easily i could come up with stupid questions. Maybe it’s the heritage of the fact that i’ve been grown up on hungarian fanzines full with midless interviews. Anyway Mike was cool enough to answer them but suspicious to think i’m not a real person. Well i am. I’m registered in web.2 pages and stuff. I’m kinda sad i missed their show in Wien. Heard it was great.

i sent him this:

hi i'm Viktor from Hungary. it's a very exocit place and smart people says cause of the global warming bears will run away so it's gonna be safe as well. you should play here sometime. anyway music here is not really popular we do punk as burning things. but i'm fighting against this trend so i made a fanzine whatdeals with music but sometimes i turn it to a tit parade just for make more readers. i have a girlfriend too who always wears your shirt and she said you're really great. but she seems to try to get rid of me so to win her heart back i figured out i'll make an interview with you. hope you're into interviews.i don't wanna bother you with further e-mails so if you think i would/should/could question back just write a why? like i would/should/could write and then continue aswering it.Thanks!

So is Fucked Up really fucked up?

Great question, you are off to a fantastic start.

You have this name and it makes expectations from the crowd. I mean if saw a band named Fucked Up not doing fucked up things i would feel mugged and want my money back. is it exhausting to be always fucked up when other people see you?

It is really tough but we are quite famous in America so there are many people who help us to stay fucked up when we make public appearances. We have punk-prep people who gets us ready for photos shoots and concerts by giving us pills and charging our hairs. It is exhausting, but it is my job. I used to work in a lightbulb factory (do you have lightbulbs in Hungary?), and that was really tough, so I would much rather be doing this, plus it pays a lot more money to be drunk in public and playing the guitar.

For the fans could you give me a little bio about a band Ramones?

Well the Ramones were a great band formed in Detroit, America by Andy Warhol and one of the guys from The Dictators. For a while they were the most famous band in the world and had an airplane full of pizza. They once played a show in Rio infront of 500,000 and are all dead now.

What do you think why only the first 3 Ramones album are preatty rad?

End of the Century is also ok, but I guess not pretty rad like you said. Its hard to write more than 75 good songs I guess.

Do you think they really did sniffed glue? it's moldy even here in the third world.

I think they really did. Sniffing glue is very popular still in America, almost more popular than cocaine in some places (Olympia, train tracks) for hip people. The price of glue is very high now so only rich hipsters can afford to sniff it here.

One of you names is Concentration Camp. Do you know in europe these were bad places run by Germans? Lots of Jews and fucking gypses died there. Do you think the world would be a funnier place if those jew haven't died there? I mean Mel Brooks is funny. But what about dozen Mel Brooks? Man that would be so much funcing hilarious.

You raise some interesting points here. Did you see that movie "Life is Beautiful"? It was a documentary made about the life of an Italian clown who was put in a concentration camp in Italy during World War Two. He was able to maintain his comedy while in the camp by working in the Kapos doing standup routines for the guards. He died while inside after being eaten by a grizzly bear, but his small son survived and became the first Jewish comedian allowed to perform in Italy after the war. Very touching and hilarious documentary.Concentration Camp recently change his name to Gulag, for those who haven't being paying attention. He is Jewish, but got the name from summer camps his serious parents made him to go where he studied math and cyphers and worked on his massive IQ - kids used to tease him in school because they would go to soccer camp and become strong, while he just went to math and thinking camps and was always really small as a child and now as a man, so his nicknick name became Concentration Camp.

Are you punks? Your music is is simple but you don't wear mohawks? What's the deal with that?

Well yes it is very complicated, but we are punks and do not wear mohawks. In the western world there are many types of punks and corresponding fashions as you go up the scale:(in order of importance)
1) Gutter Punks: Can't afford to make mohakws so they have natty dreads and live on moving trains and also in "gutters".
2) Whacktivists: Are "punks" but don't listen to music - are more interested in making politics. Have punk style but listen to Indigo Girls and Ratatat.
3) Skinheads: The racist kind - are fat and wear Lonsdale clothes from outlet malls and have short girlfriends. Listen to obscure UK and Canadian racist OI music on CDRs
3) Posers: Listen to punk music like the Sex Pistols but also Rage Against the Machine. Are mostly in highschool. They wear punk/goth clothing like leather jackets (new only) but also black bell bottom jeans and wierd shaped sunglasses
4) Old Punks: Wear 20 year old tshirts because they spent all their money on records and have no jobs so they can't afford to look sharp. Have strange jobs and did zines a long time ago. Have grey hair and/or are balding and make everyone else feel depressed at shows and worried that they are looking at their own future.
5) Hardcore Punks: Wear only band tshirts and cut off shorts. Very short cropped hair. Super clean and carry deodorant in a bag with them.
6) Hipster Hardcore Punks: Like above, but also wear "limited" baseball caps, xxxlarge tshirts and "limited" shows. Only listen to Lil' Wayne and some modern Hardcore bands.
7) Indie Punks: Wear grunge clothes, but a little tighter. Move very slowly and smoke lots of weed and are super "Creative". Also ride bikes everywhere.
8) Punks: Who knows what they look like, or who they are.
9) Hipster punks: Like mostly dance music like Uffie and Daft Punk, but also some punk bands that are amazing (Fucked Up) and are able to transcend boundaries. Wear mostly clothes from American Apparel, and also only work at American Apparel, or Vice Magazine (interning only)10) Fucked Up: Wear only free Fred Perry, Evisu, Burberry, Ben Sherman, and G9 Harrington Jackets, and other selected vintage styles.

I saw some movies about punks like mad max 2, death wih, robo cop. Things over there seems so fucked up (haha it funny i wrote this experssion but it was not in purpose just became funny) Is it the same in Canada? I mean do punks there hate cops and angry all the time?

Yes its the same as in those movies but different depending on what part of the country you are in. Also there are no robo-punks yet. But you have to remember those movies are about the 80s - back then "punks" was also just cretins and homeless people, like when Robocop is saying "get out of here punks" he isn't talking to Discharge fans, he is talking to homeless people that are breaking the laws of homelessness. I haven't seen Deathwish, but i'm sure its the same vibe. Also "They Live".

Are you afraid of spontaneous human combustion?

Sometimes - i just got a new pair of Clarks shoes (the most expensive shoes in America) and they have metal on them, but a thick rubber sole - while we were recording the new Fucked Up album i would go from the couch across the hardwood floor and have to open the metal/glass sliding door to get into the recording booth, and every time I did that i would get a shock. After I was recording guitar overdubs for about 5 hours and kept giving myself shocks I accidentally touched one of the hard drives and erased what we had done that day somehow. We had to cancel the session and the hard drive cost about $400 to repair. I have never exploded or combusted or caught on fire, but i think it is obvious that there is a lot of potential energy saved up inside my body for if I ever needed it to blow up a bridge or something.

I heard a dude from my hood when he gets a new motor bike he stuffs the tail-pipe with wet tissues and fucks the motor. Did you ever did things like that with something what were important to you? I think it's really a cool thing. In the modern world nothing really has an value. We buy we use we throw away. But this dude really gives respect for his stuffs. What do you think abaout that?

Again you bring up very important points, and also I've heard of someone doing that with a bag of mayonnaise. These questions make your life seem very different from mine - do you live in a Hungarian refugee camp or something?

Did you see my mother's uncel? my grandma said he lives in canada but i think he is just a polish.

Good question - is he lost?

Is feist a real person or it's just Chan Marshall singing in canadian?

She is real - we have met her. She used to crash at our roadies apartment before she was famous. She was also in a punk band (see above, number 7). We are on the same label as Chan Marshall but the boss said we are not allowed to ever meet her because she is crazy.

Did you see kinkg kong? It's fucking awesome man, but do they think we're mentally disadvantaged and we'll believe the a t-rex couldn't destroy a monkey?

I did see it. THe monkey won because he had more intelligence than the dinosaur and was able to control it. by using technology. You thought it was awesome?

anyway what is your favorite dinosaur?
(i never got an answer for this)

thanks for answering. i'll translate it to hungarian and send it back to you.

then he wrote back this: "haha this is great. i will def answer it. send more questions"

my turn was: Man, i’m pleasured you liked my questions. I already imagined my gf’s face when she’ll hear all the inside infos you’ll add to my knowledge. I’m sensing another future begging for abortion. You asked so i figured out some more questions. I don’t know if these have the same quality but i had to hurry cause my whole block of flats has only one computer and the owner of it will go on holiday tomorrow so no Internet till he comes back. Anyways i’m more prepared cause my lady played me some of your songs.

So we listened to hidden world it’s not short. Isn’t the crowd pissed that you only play 3 songs? An old punker said if you play more than 20 minutes you’ll transform into a prog rock or even worse a jazz band. Is that true? Have you ever tried to play more? Aren’t you affriad that you’ll have a neon halo/banda like dire straits? That looks dangerous. I think mark knoppfer wears a bandana still becasue that halo marked his forehead.

We did transform into a prog rock band. We can play usually for about an hour and a half to two hours, we extend the versions of our songs from the album.

Arent your trumpet player bored of live shows? I mean he or she doesn’t have too much to do? What could he or she do on stage while he or she is not playing? I heard about a hungarian band that had a keyboard player who had dinner on his keyboards during the shows because he didn’t have too much parts to play in songs. But they kicked him out cause it was a joy division-esque band and the other members didn’t find eating a truly sad thing. What do you think abaout that?

Ha we don't have a trumpet player. We once played a show in Bratislava where they had hired an orchestra for us to play with because union scale is so cheap there for us because of the exchange rate, so for that show we did have a trumpet player, and when there were no trumpet parts I have no idea what that person did, I wasn't paying attention because I mostly have to play extremely difficult guitar solos throughout the entire set. We all have video games and laptops though that we can use when we aren't playing parts on stage.

David Choe (the yellow hitchiker) used your songs for his travelling. But he had an episode which told canada sucks and all canadians could eat his poop and he wished that all you’re kids will be retarded enough to want to have sex with their moms even after age 21. so using your songs was just an ironical joke or what? Are you pissed? What do you think abaout that?

We are not pissed because David Choe works for a very rich company called VBS, which is the main television station in America (television is like radio except with pictures) and we got paid many thousands of dollars for the use of that song. It is fairly well known that we will do or say anything if the price is right.

I also heard you’re christmas ep. I have some questions about that:

A/1 how does Nelly Furtado smell?

She did her vocal track for that session in an isolation booth and came too and from the studio in an airplane, and a limo dropped her right into the booth. So we could see her and give her instructions, but we could not smell her or really talk to her, only through a microphone.

A/2 does she snort cocain? She looks like she not but i have this idea that stars are taking all kind of drugs and drinks behind the cameras and papers just because it’s so evil to con their catholic fans. I mean i bet homer simpson is a drunk child beater when the cameras don’t roll.

Again, we don't know, but I could ask her next time I see her.

B, is that true that James Murphy listened to that much music that he gained some kind of spiritual aura which is a permanent soundtrack for his life? Like the situation with will ferrell and that british lesbian lady but for Murphy it could be heared by anyone else? And is that true as well that he used no effect for his voice on his records?

James Murphy apparently was very mad at us after he found out the song was going to be released on a record, because we had told people we were just recording messages for our friends in the hospital, from their favorite bands. I think he uses an affect on LCD Soundsystem records that make his lyrics sound 25 years younger.

C, for collaborating with the singer of AFI. Did you have to get permission from Tim Burton? Isn’t Havoc jewish? Or was it a joke that he wished marry christmas?

I don't think he is Jewish, but in American most Jews celebrate christmas and also the other one.

You played some shows with hard skins. Did you talked with them? i always wondered do skinheads watch the tv series Friends? Who is their favorite? I bet not Ross or Monica because they are jews. And rachel and Chandler also out of the bill cause they married/fucked with ross and monica. I guess they like Joey cause he is italian like Mussolini. Do you have any concrete infos?

This is an answer from Fat Bob:"wow ...what a question - tell him hard skin are too busy to answer questions because we are too busy playing darts, drinking beer and making sweet music with all women of the world - no matter of colour, class or creed..... "

One last question cause i have to hurry to get to the computer owner’s flat. Csongrád and Szentes are two cities here in hungary. But their hardcore scene’s are not supporting each other. What would be your suggestion? John Joseph played here with FVK and after the show he got asked about this same problem. He adviced Unity but this message haven’t worked out. So what is your suggestion? What do you think abaout that?

I mean I think that those two countries should go to war. DId you know that when John Josephs was growing up in a foster home that when he could get cheese sandwiches his older brothers and foster parents would steal the cheese out of his sandwiches and he would only have the bread to eat, and also the same with oreo cookies but with the middle taken out. I can imagine that this is what life must be like in Hungary so maybe his advice would be useful?