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The Hungarian Defekt Punk Scene Report in MRR #336

2011-04-12T16:05:00.001+02:00

Out in the dark. While the snow is obstinately falling on my town. Feeling alright. There is a mix of sludgy melting snowflakes and my smile on my face. I feel great because memories from the last night are coming back. I was at a house party but since a couple months, every house party means a bit more than smoking in the kitchen and getting dizzy from cheap beer while nodding to ironic or nostalgic, stupid songs. I was out in the dark last year and did the exact same circle around my neighborhood as I did tonight. Maybe I had a similar ink stamp on my wrist from the show last night, or maybe still a few nights before. The only thing that has been changed is that now I have house parties to go to and have fun with people there. When the routine bites hard you could tell that you probably have an OK scene. When you’re in love with a specific trend it must be an explosion within the scene. And even giving it a name means something more, because names are only given to big things. When I thought about all these kids as a crowd, I came up with “Defekt Scene” as the definition. There was one specific show where most of the people who showed up looked like those that remained from the male population after a war fought in the recent past, who were weak enough to be left behind the safe lines because they are not even good for first-row bullet catchers.

Almost a year ago I have attended a house party in the deep countryside in a barn. I went there to have fun not to witness some kind of magic. I never hated the kids, I always was pissed off by the old people who made up stupid rules or routines to scare away little kids from doing anything out of their hearts not out from a stupid fake ethical code. Although I never was too social with people I had nothing to do with this. I liked people from a distance. But at that party I felt the youth, connecting, rebellion and fun. It was a party full of people who at other parties would be in the corner, completely invisible. Poor wallflowers. Here everyone mattered and it was amazing. Everyone shared their beers, jokes, equipment and contacts for foreign show promoters. Everyone was nice and the bands were kinda great too. Leaving with a huge positive emotional charge I watched all these kids at the shows and they attended all of them, either as a devoted fan of the punk scene itself or as a band member ripping up the stage. After this revelation I had to realize that this year is a center of something really great. Bands formed with the desire to play great music. They tour, host other bands, do interesting home recording sessions. They are active politically and socially. The scene thinks, and people have opinions which they stick into in their acts. Finally, they have fucking great acts. Every show is a big hang out, with the teen-angst in the focus. And the house afterparties are clearly the icing on the cake. These kids created their own scene and they don’t give a fuck about assholes who try to mock them or laugh at them. They don’t need anyone but themselves. Society doesn’t provide them weekend entertainment so they just rot in their rehearsal rooms writing songs in these gifted empty nights.

The quintessence of this scene may be LÖMBIHEAD. On terrible hangover-soaked days I usually wonder if at the show there were about 60 people how the hell can I only remember that 20 specific familiar faces. I first saw Lömbihead at that magical barn fest I mentioned above and I haven’t recognized these kids since they hit the metaphorical stage. After that they disappeared, only to come into view again in the lower end of the night when one of them asked if someone wants to smoke some pot with them. They blended in, they hid in corners or behind bigger room-plants. A couple hours earlier, when they started to play I couldn’t do anything but to surrender and move my head, my body and my whole devotion of punk kids’ bedroom music. They played sloppy but in the good way, when they couldn't care less about anything else but to have fun. Amazing mix of the geeky craziness of Ramones, the witty parts of Fugazi and some visceral Urinals. The latest is the coolest because as it turned out couple months later the band did not know Urinals at all. This post-apocalyptic, nuclear beach party music is one of the finest things that have ever come out of this shithole. The lyrics are as smart as they are obscene and harsh. Their sweet and awkward aura captures me all the time. There’s no show happening on the stage it’s just pure teenage noise music you must listen and see if you have the ability to recognize it. One particular dance has evolved around these kids in which the crowd goes half naked. Looking at this scenario and their bodies gives an idea about the name “Defekt”. Beers in their hands and half naked, young kids hug each other. It’s a magical scene you wouldn’t wanna miss. The formally most unimportant kids in society doing the most important thing on earth: saving their own lives. From boredom, from growing up, from spending a Friday night alone, from pining over rejections.

As it usually goes around in Hungary, there’s no clear reason why this bunch of bands came to existence, all in this specific time. No band sounds like the other and all the kids became friends after they started playing shows together or just found each other by the common coincidence of making something really cool. There were good bands before them. A few but there’s no specific sound bequeathed to this new generation. Maybe hints of some attitude but come on, real punks have their unwritten code of honor since forever. DIY or die. We go everywhere because we wanna play. One band is around for years, starting out in the “non-defect” times, still running and giving us better stuff from show to show. The name is DANCE OR DIE. Finally they have gained their well deserved due – at least here – and they rip. They operate on this late ‘90s, early ‘00s “where do we go from here” gloomy, melodic sound mixed with the “we don’t wanna grow up” desperation which is the teenage angst without an expiration date on it. Some classify them as fast core or crust mixed with some emo, but in the bottom line it’s just fast, and passionate hardcore / punk with three guys screaming and four guys seemingly playing their hearts out on their instruments. The usual criticism of seeing them live is they look sad. Well, the whole continent is sealed with a romanticized sadness which just gets filled with more realism if we go East. Maybe their lovelessness shines through as much from their looks as from their songs, but since when do we wanna turn our heads away if we see something being such real at a punk show? If you wanna have fun then learn their lyrics and sing with them. It’s not that easy to observe other people’s emotional outtakes when you’re singing along and shaking. A couple of weeks ago I saw them with the poorest sound a shady club could offer. That raging, emotionally exhausting noise got turned down and they sounded like a passionate tuneful punk band who does not just write songs that will do the thing but they perform them with a lot of will.

Wandering off from the outskirts and going towards the center of the city that looks like Prague but dirtier (Budapest) we find the residence of FOR MY FRIENDS, a bunch of wild kids, drugged and messed up. They started out from the ashes of NOTHING, a band that finally wanted to play good music and even though they played terribly live… at least it wasn’t shitty music performed even shittier. Falling out from the classical straight up angry kid hardcore, For My Friends rather goes with the beer-flavored bearded pop or melodic punk mixed with a little more anger and geekiness. Although, I doubt these guys had enough time to secrete as many hormones as needed to grow a decent beard. Moreover, they lacked the will for many long months to play their songs properly. I saw them once and it was like Sex Pistols with four Sid Vicious’ on heroin. The ideas behind their music were always cool, but the whole picture looked more like a good draft than an actual act. As it usually goes, time could fix what diligence could have done quicker. The drummer still could enter a “who could beat an egg longer, with full force but without breaking the shell” contest but at least now the music sounds to be more tight. The casual critic, standing right next to me on a recent gig told me: “we rather hear their influences than the song itself”. Even though he was damn right, FOR MY FRIENDS plays a type of music which could capture you, make you bang your head and put a smile on your face. Taking away my personal bias of living the same city, I have no idea how good they could be, but the good thing for me is I don’t have to care about that. If you don’t like them then move here and get used to the mistakes. Trust me, it’s great to see kids swinging in with a beer, some weed and broken hearts, trying to be Budapest’s best dancers. Of course they are far from it but at least they are trying.

Hailing from Salgótarján, here we have Gábor Rádi, former vocalist of SÄW, a guy with two bands and a label which called KIDS LIKE US and still lives in an incubator. One of his music projects is called YOUNG ARSENAL. Inspired by, and sometimes aping, the so-called Kirsch sound they play open chord, raw, noisy but melodic-in-the-emo-way hardcore punk with social/political lyrics and a lot of use of sound collages both at live shows and on record. Well, you rather listen to them on record if you want to hear the real thing because at live shows they play with stockings on their heads (women's nylon, not the bank robber type) which obstruct their view so they don't see the microphones they are supposed to sing in and the mp3 player with which the aforementioned interlude skits should be played from. Even though sometimes they test your nerves and make one query their whole existence, I must be fair because most of the times they do a solid job with delivering fine punk rock. On the other hand, Gábor's other band called FUSEISM is something I haven’t heard before. Their guitarist comes from this island within Budapest called Csepel which is like another universe. It’s residents are chained to the shores, turning into agoraphobics on that tiny land. Especially if we mix punks with the cheapest local beer, enough glue and one of the biggest industrial areas of the country with many abandoned buildings, fine spaces for rehearsal rooms, raves or simply vanishing from society. This guy cut his bonds. He didn’t burn any bridges but delivers the best guitar parts since I could even remember. I read that revolution summer – or maybe just Guy Picciotto’s guitar parts in Rites Of Spring – were hugely influenced by the guitar play of Rikk Agnew. That is what FUSEISM reeks of too. Dreamy, rev. summer guitar rage pushed through the echoes of the surf sound and a little bit of the taste of the guitar overdose given by nowadays Fucked Up. It is delivered with a cold handed rhythm section and consciously weak vocals, like the singer doesn’t even try to sound enjoyable or simply doesn't care at all. FUSEISM dwells on ground that could capture the attention of lame hipsters as well but they have the attitude and credo that can convince punks that all the fancy assholes at the shows are there by mistake. This band is the real deal.

Going west into Veszprém County we get the hotbed of new punk in Hungary. The two epitomes of the scene are PFA and PLAN BEER, a group of friends and tour mates. PFA is formed by four ultimate nasty kids. As news says, now they are backed up by a keyboard player, but no one had the luck to see this formation so far I’m writing these lines. These fucked up little prodigies are killing it every time, everywhere. They play thrashy punk hardcore with sweaty, mutilated one-finger solos. Pace is changing like a rollercoaster of a mood of a drunken person, balancing on the edge of passing out and endless raving. Their short, to-the-point lyrics are like drunken revelations and epiphanies of modern society and of punk itself, murmured at the lower ends of house parties on a couch with vomit stains. Every word have this awakening stink of belching. They need to be digested a bit but all in all they are thoughtful, funny, ironic and most of all true. Like a book consisting of nothing but perfect one-liners one after another. PFA would be excellent music to drop acid to and watch weird movies played backwards, or just wonder about these kinda things. It’s not the sound of terror. It’s the sound of taking weird drugs what make you more punk not a smiling puppy who accepts everything what the world offers.

PLAN BEER, on the other hand, walks along the classical path of punk, playing nothing but fast and smart music filled with the anger of youth. They use more melodies, with singalong parts and mid-tempos, injecting a darkish, atmospheric tone to the whole sound - a kind which totally resonates with the desperation that makes punk music awesome. They sound as punk should have sounded after the glorious days of the 80s, not as punk had been fucked up in the medieval decade of the 90s - speaking of course within the map lines of Hungary. There is nothing progressive in their sound but the timelessness of their songs are truly about the present. Luckily we live and listen to everything in the present so it can stick with us until we becomes the past. They play their guitars and shout their lyrics in a way that offers something to think about and most of the times they nail it with the slight chance of fucking it up which makes their music more interesting. This last sentence is quite true for all the previous band descriptions included in this report. If you’re looking for punk rock in its raw beauty, without any added polish or adjectives, here you are.

The last band that comes to my mind when thinking of something awesomely wrong is MIND YOUR STEP. Hailing from the area of Győr, they play furious punk / hardcore what reminds you to early Agnostic Front, SSD or slower fastcore bands like Youth Attack fame. Well, their point is to play fast and noisy. The first time I heard them I didn’t see them cause I was handling the door the a show. They did a Minor Threat song which sounded sloppy through the door between me and the stage. My friend came to me and told me that they should rather cover Void, because even if they fuck it up it is still Void, or rather it is even more Void. This is kind of what you get from them. A chase for staying in time that sometimes leads into chaotic noise but it still is good and entertaining even when it falls apart, like a tightrope walker who falls, only with punk if you fall you won’t get hurt. That is the best show everyone wants to see. And it’s not even sympathy towards them. They are great in the punk way and punk way is the best way.

So this is the “Defekt Scene”. Mostly. I’m sure where there is punk there are also kids who are exactly the same. And if you don’t see magic in them I’m sorry but you should rather go with radio rock. Young and snotty kids stick together, throwing guerilla house parties or rehearsal room shows, forming new bands, writing fanzines. All in all, they make their shit happen. Of course there are more Hungarian bands. What you’ve read about is just a tiny piece of it. Some groups are even better for my taste than any of these bands above, but this scene captures something significant that is happening now here, in a scene that usually always looked down on newcomers and weirdos, with a government fucking everyone’s lives up. Now punk music and punks in barns and bedrooms seem to have restored what it’s about. A cool, nasty, weird, nerdy but honest secret. And big one.

most of the bands' records are up here: http://heart-a-tact.blogspot.com/

even in case i'm burning please don't piss on me

2011-01-16T15:23:00.002+01:00

After many wasted with watching tv and snacking years I finally made a zine in English in last year’s summer. Mostly to make some money on tour so I can buy lunch and beer. And because I hate everything that is limited I offer now all my thoughts in forms of deranged sentences to the digital world. Here you are seekers of my mind. Most of the words were typed during a 2 weeks long storm. Mostly drunk, after midnight. The zine I made before this has a foreword written by my friend who plays now in the band Rákosi but he was my self-help consultant with his previous band RedlineOffside when I was 14, growing up. Doing the same again I wanted to ask my other friend Kuti to write me a foreword but he rather chose hanging out at weird places talking to too fancy ladies. So I wrote a foreword myself. Here it is together with the whole fanzine. I was hesitating on whether I should upload the pdf version to some online document browser platform but the zine has naked pictures of me being a kid and I would miss my parents if FBI put them in jail.

EICIBPDPOM - foreword

2011-01-16T15:22:00.001+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - raving / raging

2011-01-16T15:19:00.002+01:00

I was watching this awesome show. The band played fun type of hardcore. I think late era Negative Approach’s sound is after all just so much fun, fun, fun. Not to laugh at but when I’m listening to it I won’t feel like I need to go down the streets to get into fights or prove my credibility of being a survival of the hood. Not even wanna wear a pair of boots. Maybe the most aggressive thing what occurs me while hearing it is grabbing my friends’ leatherjackets and shaking them by those. I saw this once in the back of a kebab restaurant in germany and the image is haunting me ever since. Yeah that is perfect fun. Or just drink beer and witness again with my eardrums the total chaotic and also wildlife rage of such bands and how compact they’re delivering it. The only thing that sticks to punk in my head as a denial of something is that punk can’t be enjoyable after 16 if you’re not dumb. Fuck those who say they’re grown out of it. Just like them who were too lazy or stupid to find other music that they can listen to because they accidently forced themselves into few bands when they were young. And now looking on this as a used to be a good thing. Lazy bastards. So the band played this kind of music. Forever fun hard as fuck core but with that much visceral pleasure what the early Agnostic Front records had. When they played such fast and amateurish that I’m cheering for them all the time not to drop their instruments out of enthusiasm and of the chase to finish the song all together at the same time. Sometimes some sound tracks are racing with others. It’s so awesome and geeky while they try to be total jocks. How cute is this? Like when little kids run around with their blankets on their backs imagining themselves to be costumed superheroes. And there was this girl drinking beer in her golden outfit completely disrespecting the heritage of the inventors of pogo dancing. She moved like it was a party cause it was a band playing for young people on a Friday night. We all know what is bad, then why would a weekend have to be infected with problem raising and failure of solving any of those. Bad capitalism and muscular people who take Skrewdriver serious. Fuck the cops and manipulators of the scene. As that girl danced I just watched her and through her that show was dreamy and punk had become meaningful. Dancing is just fun and good music is fun, fun, fun as well. What if the two don’t fit perfectly? It means you don’t care about bullshit conventions. It’s not about freedom it’s about having a huge fucking fun. Why people love pogo dance moves? Because they’re mindless. They are shy so to avoid possible awkwardness they just force their joy into established movements. Why do some people only watch shows from the background not moving a bit? Maybe their backs hurt or they like to drink beer more than dancing. The point of long hair is to shake my head and feel how good it is to bang a head. Go in front of stages and have seizure there. With long hair every piece of hair is just another reason to listen to music that is bangable. Up and down or side by side. Long hair blocks some sounds of the headphone, thus makes every sound a little bit distant and more mysterious. Like how could that girl love if she writes these amazing lyrics and sings them the way she does? It’s a mystery how could Nico loved. And my hair just makes it more obscure. This is the key to music, the imaginations of the players and the visions of the situations all in the heads of the listeners. It’s the best thing that could happen to my brain. How could that girl love who danced to oi influenced hardcore? And she wasn’t a skinhead. She looked more like a raver. A type of person I’d like to show music so she can show me her crazy dance moves. Or just tell her how cool some bands are and she would smile on me for being crazy to tell her about my latest findings of awesome punk music. I lost interest writing this. I wanna meet cool girls around great music.

EICIBPDPOM - career

2011-01-16T15:17:00.001+01:00

I made a lot of money that summer. I had several jobs and other things. One of the other things was that I sold copies of my childhood pictures to pedophiles. When I was young Michael Jackson was a big thing and I always liked some aspects of dancing though I’m a really lazy guy. So what I did was that I hold my penis all the time as a tribute to Jacko. I hold it in school, on the streets, once on a funeral of one of my grand mom’s sister and his war-criminal husband. There’s a yearful or two photos of me touching my penis sometimes without pants. I sold them to pedophiles. The cops tried to bust me but I’m a grown up who sold those pictures about himself being a kid. With a dick in his hands but whatever. Other than this I was helping old ladies up on the escalator at a subway station. There I met a nun and she offered me a job. She knew my window faced a satanic cult’s weekly rituals cause I told her but she had a really bad case of hearing and thought I was actually in that cult. So she offered me a job to work for the catholic church. My job was to watch movies, read books and listen to music. Cause as she put it, it already doesn’t matter at all what happens to my soul. And she knew about my weak link to pedophiles so she thought I would make a great fit for her employers. Basically I had to write reviews but in the context of a catholic person. And if needed what kind of protest strategies I’m recommending. I was among the few critics that really mattered and wasn’t just a person who’s telling about his opinions on things. I don’t know why but they told me this. Around that time I was drinking too much home distilled brew I started hallucinating and actually joined the satanic cult that had gatherings in front of my window. We burned plastic and painted pictures of goats. I didn’t really see the point. Satan just sounded like a jock. This red muscular dude who’s fucking with people just because they had fun with doing exactly the same what he would do. That’s what bothers me about the subcultures that exist in spite of something. What they created to believe in, in opposite of what they hate is just creepier than what I should hate. I just don’t care about bullshit. I care about having fun and not being bothered. I quit all my jobs and duties. I only needed the money so I can maybe be with the girl I love. But she lives far away from me. And at least being around her is not really bothering me. I don’t care about distance either. I left the cult and it was the last straw for them to broke up and the hill in front of my window became a place where people brought prostitutes in their cars. I suspect the catholic church knew it was coming. The things we hate always smarter then we are. The things that aren’t are just sad. Now I have to face people having intercourses. For what guys are paying huge money. Looks like some people would do anything just to get laid.

EICIBPDPOM - random

2011-01-16T15:14:00.000+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - great cop

2011-01-16T15:12:00.001+01:00

Cops are retarded so if you can do one thing be it that you won’t be a cop. Thus you won’t be retarded. I know not everyone is like you and it’s frustrating as shit. But if there’s something you don’t like to see then there’re 359 other options to look on somehow different and if there’s something you don’t wanna hear there are always your fingers to put them into your ears or your palms to cover your eyes. Carrying about things that suck and people who are dumb or just badly dressed or eat what you think is not cool is just so lame, a waste of time and yeah a retarded occupation. The more you think someone is a stupid ass and you still care about it then I’m sorry but you’re even dumber. That’s why making a thing out of it is even worse. That’s what cops do. They don’t like me wearing hoodie at night walking in zigzag so they check my IDs and ask me stupid questions like if I have something with me that I’ve stolen. That’s what they do. And what does a scene cop? Checks out how same punk someone is who him or her finds as an opposite, a disgust. I know how fucking disturbing is to live among complete idiots. I really do. But if i’m sick of it i just do my own thing. I create something what i like. Not care with other shit i find pointless. I hang with people who i find interesting or true not arguing with complete assholes. Cause i’m not a textbook to teach someone something. I’m not even writing this to make a change. I’m writing this cause most of the zines are boring me and I encounter so many assholes so to balance the shitty thing and the great things I try to create great things. Bad things are amazingly good for one specific thing, to make something better. I can’t do anything with amazing stuff except I could totally admire it. But it isn’t influences me just locks my mind. Maybe it sounds self-righteous but I rather embrace my thoughts then push buttons against people who truly depress me. If you wanna be angry on stupid people and only care about them then either set up a mean website what makes comments on people or have a stroke. I’m a cop too. I force myself to only care about the cool shit.

EICIBPDPOM - music

2011-01-16T15:10:00.004+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - where's the punchline?

2011-01-16T15:09:00.000+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - essay on bullshit # 1/ epiphanies

2011-01-16T15:06:00.002+01:00

If I wanna be honest my favorite kind of movies are the horrible ones. Not the bad flicks but what would creep out other people just because what they see are so true or they think it’s weird just because shows too much of life. We’re too used to beautiful people do everything even what never was their business. That’s why we honor ugliness as much as we treat it as truth. It’s the same with music. I can’t watch that many horrible movies and i only can listen to a little more bad records but I know I could create both really well. The only thing is. Making bad stuff needs guts. Punk was an adjective always but was used for shitty things. Cause back then it was just horrible music next to the professional crap that ruled poor mislead people’s ears. Now it’s not. Sometimes it’s good other times I like it as well cause I like punk music. But I can tell you the most magic happens on the terrible records. The ones what belong to once good bands. The best bands. Terrible things need to have some connection to goods otherwise I wouldn’t care about them. That’s why I couldn’t call them terrible only irrelevant. Being a sell out and writing bad music it doesn’t hurt me. I can let it go. It’s not me who changed or it’s not me who makes a wrong turn. It’s a bit disappointing sometimes. I mean who would like to see a used to be good band perform their bad songs for a crowd full of douchebags? Sometimes that’s what happens. The only thing I have the will to fight for is maybe my friends and whoever I’m in love with. I think I’m in love with someone for almost 10 years. I haven’t seen her for almost a year but who cares. I don’t wanna let it go. Cause at least I’m in love. But listening to good music is so much easier then give your heart an other meaning what is different than just an organ. If you heard good music just once in your life you don’t have to worry about you’ll hear something terrible. Cause there’s always an escape. I have been in bands and even though I only sing I’ve been there at the rehearsals almost all the time cause I just love to see how songs have been put together from the beginning. And the only thing a band should never say is “well, they might not like it”. I need to believe that bands write bad songs cause they like them or it’s the only way they can express themselves. Being bad and boring not always means you want to fit in with the trend. Sometimes it is indicated by the trend and maybe prison rape is sadder than this case. But playing boring music needs guts. By time people only accept self expression if it comes with originality. But as time goes ahead it just gets harder. While anyone should have the opportunity to express themselves the way they want, the majority of it will be just boring or clichéish. So what? It will turn out that the world is a boring place? No, cause thousands of boring bands existing and providing boring music is just fun fun fun. I think craziness is a huge field that very poorly exploited. When I was younger I thought late era Black Flag sucked. While now I’m in love with it. I thought they went crazy and maybe they did for real but late era Black Flag is just pure awesomeness. Their early songs are amazing too. But most of them are just amazing songs one after another while their late stuff is so complex and a whole record just feels like only one big number. And when I’m only listening to one song from that era it feels like a whole album. It gathers so many things up. All the uncomfortable things what in those records became features I’m glad that I had or still have. I can appreciate loneliness if it comes along with the appreciation of Black Flag. I used to think Descendent sucked but they doesn’t. Their weird songs are almost their best. I thought Bad Brains sucked beginning with I against I and I think I’m right. But SSD’s and DYS’ rock records and the second Antidote release, Into the Unknown, all these really terrible records. Jesus should die again for these. I can’t stop smiling on how stupid and lame these albums are and how crazy they had to go to write these. And how cool it is that they actually did it?! I think that the world is just a beautiful place with all it’s fucked up things in it. All the bad ideas, and creepy results just make everything more interesting. There’s beauty in every fucked up situation. I realized that when I was watching a Ratos De Porao show with a plastic bag full of cheap beer in Czech republic. One of the most beautiful shows I’ve ever seen. It was long, they were old but still I loved every minute. It was as beautiful as a dead baby who chocked in her aids infected crackwhore mother’s vomit. I don’t think that there’s a god and even if there is it wouldn’t create such scenes. So we people do such horribly outrageous things with each other but it just makes our existence one of the most complex and interesting thing in the galaxy. I realized that while watching a chubby brazilian guy showing and shaking his old tongue. I felt like I’ve been awakened. I was around so many weirdly too cool people. They seemed to be too right. I didn’t care. I realized at that moment seeing a beautiful girl in a Void shirt is just awesome. And I’m probably never gonna know her. So in my head she loves Void and United Mutation and No Trend and all this mutant-core and other sub-genres’ cool bands. The truth might could spoiled this image in my head but I’m not gonna care about other people’s truth when I could care about mine. I’ve learned there that I should just appreciate everything that looks and sounds good. And look on bad things as parts of the whole madness. Now I can appreciate almost everything for some time.

EICIBPDPOM - SH

2011-01-16T15:05:00.001+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - sophie's choice of the year

2011-01-16T15:04:00.001+01:00

Those old folks were talking on the radio about lists. About the nature of people making lists. One said it’s the conquer of infinity to shrink the good things from all the things into one list. Sometimes I’m just worried for people when they have to write up a top 10 list and they cheat with adding more to it. They make Sophie’s choice from writing names under each other. And feel like betrayed themselves when they accidently leave out some of the better bands they had listened to. Poor people look on a list as something what have to be taken as serious like a rule or choice between two child actors. Feeling weird cause they don’t know the exact answer and it’s order. And eternity just conquers them. I’m not worried anymore. I leave it open to give a chance for anything to come in. At least that’s what I think. And culture while it’s sometimes boring as shit never really could make damages which would worth to avoid them. If the door is open it’s easy to kick shitty things out. It’s an amazing feeling when things come together, mix together and create something new without rules and rational orders. Or just work together, after each other I don’t know. See I don’t take writing a fanzine that serious that I write down “I don’t knows” like I would just talking. Forgetting things only shows how human i am and as does fucking up orders. It doesn’t matter now what is my favorite band if I’m not listening to it. Someone really could decide whether it’s Minor Threat or early Bad Brains? And maybe I like Embrace the most then One Last Wish on second and Rites of Spring the least from all the amazing revolution summer pre-fugazi bands but truly so what? Even if I’m listening to Rites Of Spring I’m not wondering on how better Embrace is. It maybe just makes me listen to other music that somehow fits for Rites of Spring at least in my head. My favorite type of shows are when I can believe the band who plays is the only and best band in the world. And there’s just me and them. The best thing in this modern ultra fast informational world is, I can be anywhere and everything can be here in my head. I could imagine million places and times where it would be cool to be but isn’t it cooler that now all could happen right after each other? If i were closer to cool I still would miss huge part of them with just letting these chances pass me by. And besides that one can say, “yeah I was there, I only needed to take a bus to see everything” is it really matter? Luckily I’ve seen so many of my favorite bands and it would be great to see the rest but at a point it would be just tiring and I couldn’t care to move out. But I don’t think the common sense in me would ever make me stop to listen to awesome bands when the only thing I have to do for it is to switch on my stereo.

EICIBPDPOM - essay on bullshit # 2 / speed thoughts

2011-01-16T15:02:00.000+01:00

I’m not gonna lie. Punk is all about speed and the dizziness in the brain. Cause I’m one of those arm chair freaks who probably overestimate the importance of brain I don’t do drugs that fast me up. Cause I’m a big coward that’s why. I usually get so drunk that I throw up into my own mouth and have to run around in strange apartments to find the toilet just to get rid of the vomit among my wonderfully white teeth. I’m capable of this. That’s how self-conscious I am. Maybe I could handle speed if I wanna rush. No wait. I totally could. I’m not doing lsd because I’m afraid. I don’t do speed cause it doesn’t interest me that much. Cause who the fuck wanna rush at nights, the only specific part of the day when I could get speed for free? I enjoy the total victorious feeling of being awake even after how much I’ve drunk and how long I’m still up. Also when I went to high school I loved to come home exhausted and just fell half asleep with midday talk shows on and have the televised reality and my half conscious mind react and sometimes I was speaking with the guests on the shows.
But really if I wanted pace I would like it around the most useless hours like 3 pm to 4 pm. When everything is just there to let me down because there’re only things i can be sorry for. With the pale lights of the day and people connecting to life so much different than I do. Today I scanned old photos of my family. My favorites were the ones which had my far far none blood related whomever who is schizophrenic because she listened to a religious radio station too much. There’s just something really interesting in her expressionless face. Then I drank coffee and went to buy a bottle of wine for my father’s upcoming birthday which is the exactly same day as Hitler’s death day, listening to Sonic Youth and the Nerves in new shoes what I found heavy and finally just in a t-shirt that’s how warm the air was. Caffeine overdose is like a flower. With sun-beams and good circumstances like middle era Sonic Youth the material in my blood opens up in my head as the most magical feeling. This is not about drinking materials. It’s about fast paced thoughts with slow motion walking in the sun and listening to amazing guitar outruns. Or homeruns or whatever that translates the sound’s vibration which is shockingly similar to a heart’s race after running a marathon. I’ve spent this afternoon with failing to fix a mix tape for a party I’d like to but will not attended. Still I imagined the soundtrack in the background of drunk kitchen conversations of european contact exchanging and great songs. None of us is doomed enough for something interesting to happen with us. But that’s alright. Somehow punk will destroy our weak bodies. I’m not punk because I always was and am weak. I became weak cause I didn’t give a shit about my body image and found sitting around and hanging more fun than running around. So music will destroy me. The caffeine I toke to make Wipers more effective and the headphones what makes everything sound better. The weight that my ears have to bear and my brain what shrinks so the sounds can have enough space. Ok it’s not true or I hope it’s not and this wasn’t my ironic and fatal sentence. Fuck I just have so many great images and activities and people and places which I could connect with or through music and because I’m writing this it’s obvious that I feel the need to get things out of my head while the things inside my head are the best things ever because they are all mine and I’m not ashamed of my thoughts. Sometimes it feels that what I need is not writing it out but to collect them into one place. That’s why I need the speed to have them all at the same exact time. Like now i’m a bit overdosed myself with it. I mean them. Caffeine and my adored thoughts. The need to put something cool into this empty world. So now i’m feeling like i’m right in that world where Flipper records are relevant. It’s so claustrophobic cause i’m surrounded with fuzziness and everything is just flashing around in my head, i really have to focus even on a such simple thing as pissing right into the toilet. Right. I’d like to call all my friends, have them here where we eat cold spaghetti and warm ice cream and watch apocalypse now redux version while spinning records above it. Selecting music for the scenes because we all know what they on the screen say, think and hallucinate. We’d roll around the floor shirtless not wanting the earth to open. Or have a dance party to Rudimentary Peni. Stole skateboards from the cheap pot dealer who lives on the third floor. And have night sessions with a boom box blasting Wire. I sucked in skating and after I broke my hand into two pieces I gave it up and went too far with punk. Still I have dreams with riding. It’s almost as cool when I dream with girls who I love. Sometimes I just imagine things while awake.
I love my neighborhood. It always reminds me to raise the question what were my parents thinking. They delivered me into the last three years of the soviet union. And they had no idea it will ever end. Furthermore they lived in deep poorness. And when i was around 5 or 4 we got here where I live now. The national and practically only tv channel had a daily soap opera that was filmed here. And we got here. Kinda amazing. Cause in every second episode there were youngsters in leatherjackets trying to beat up everyone, rob old people, rape young ladies. Mafia wanted to take over all the tiny grocery stores in every corner and everyone was ordering or buying cognac in every 5 minutes. Of course there was this guy from the orphanage working the shittiest jobs, who always stepped in and saved whoever needed it. Then he drank some cognac. The irony is that one of the things i’ve learnt to work is his job. But it’s not that important. What raises the question in me is my parents saw every day what this neighborhood is like. Full of violence, rookies in capitalism, drug dealers, nazis, catholic priests, house policy obsessed stuck up sons of bitches. Still we got here and i have to say it’s not just one of the safest places in such a safe town but most of the times it just seems dead to me. And i fucking love it. Walking all alone at nights being amazed by no one is around is just so perfect for an outsider like i’m. Basically I could be that evil guy who needs to be beaten up cause I might not have a leatherjacket on the outside but I constantly wear it everyday inside. And of course I wanna steal things from every grocery store and make sweet love to all the ladies. But you see I don’t have time for these cause I’m too busy walking around and pretending that I’m from another planet staring on everything like they are new to me. Nowadays i like to dress up for these brief walks as an inbreed son of a happy family incest. It gives me the false feeling of freedom. Also i could buddy up with the guys who dress the same but not as a joke or conscious choice just out from their nature. It means i’m backed up by an army of schizophrenics. Like it would be needed. Cause my neighborhood has no one around after 8 pm. And everything fits when I’m out all alone in this world. Yeah I see lights burning in some flats but it doesn’t mean anything. It never does.

EICIBPDPOM - three stories

2011-01-16T15:01:00.002+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - melon shake

2011-01-16T15:00:00.003+01:00

EICIBPDPOM - girls & boys

2011-01-16T14:58:00.000+01:00

I try to see no big mystery and tactics behind simple and true love. Girls fall for boys who go to them and don’t start to talk shit too soon. That’s it. And boys just wanna express their gratitude for almost everything even for a smile or for a handkerchief and mostly for girls being so awesome. The only way we can think of: by shoving our penises into all possible holes. The only thing that fucks this up is assholes who want to put their genitals into everything we’ve found precious and they do it without a grateful feeling. And that just sucks. The other thing is which makes assholes not the only thing: We all are single individuals. And sometimes it hurts so much to accept things not always turn out the way we think they should when the situation has more than one person. This creates great songs. The frustration, the sadness or the irony of how life works. Still we stare on everything that hangs from their bodies. Legs, arms, breasts and asses. And it might be frustrating. I guess I will never really know why but it’s alright cause i never should. It’s girls’ secret and secrets make them more adorable. Once a guy started to dry hump my shoulder on a night bus but I thought it was funny. Other times weird old gay men wanted to hook me up or drunk punks wanted to kiss me but I found it flattering and at the same time I always told them right away that I’m straight. I guess a girl couldn’t really say no to everyone who she won’t fuck just because they looked on her glow. And being afraid of rape should be a horrible thing. I creeped out some poor girl once cause I always walk fast but it was so early and on a huge avenue but she looked back saw me and ran away. I found it funny but yeah I was kinda sorry for her. Anyway what rejection makes with guys the lust we still engine for women does the same to girls. And it should be tiring and frustrating to be an amazing being among such losers as we guys all are who even though are losers still have unreal desires. It makes great songs too. Some of them are angry as hell others are just about a perfect world where they, the women, could hang only with boys who they like. We try to believe that we could be these boys but then we should think about what’s besides the bras and panties and that’s just too hard for some of us.

EICIBPDPOM - essay on bullshit # 3

2011-01-16T14:54:00.001+01:00

Have no idea why. But i like music what other people find unlistenable. I like these bands so much that sometimes with the enthusiasm what i have for punk i can prove or more correctly cheat people into believing that the bands i like are actually good listens. It’s always cute when someone pretends or believes that what they are made to listen to is good for them. If it was they would already know. It’s true. I’m not listening to punk rock because that was my only choice. I wasn’t forced. From the beginning i liked two types of music: the very catchy and the very heavy. I knew fucking nothing neither about noisy, brutal bands nor what could power pop or garage rock be. My brother only listened to Nirvana and Jungle music and of course because he was the older i hated everything what he liked. No influence from the people above me. No fucking way. I remember i saw the album covers and t-shirt of bands like metallica, iron maiden, megadeath as cheap items for foreign tourists on pointless holiday based streets. I just wondered around them. I couldn’t speak english then but somehow i figured out megadeath should have meant something my mother wouldn’t really be pleased to know i’m a fan of at such a young age. So I stayed silent about it. But because these bands were popular that much a little clueless prick like me could know their names it meant they had terrible songs what music televisions could air. During summers my grandmas were looking after me at our flat. One of them only watched the live parliament broadcasting and yelled pimps, fuckers, pagans, sinners and other nice names on every politician which is to look back kinda cool but back then was confusing as hell. The other didn’t really give a damn about me. She was just trying to fill out her crossword puzzles but because she is old and back in the day it was much different she didn’t really have the schools what would be enough to fill out a cross world puzzle. So i was harmlessly watching horror movies on tv channels specialized to trash and besides horror I was hooked by some eastern european music channels. Which worked as video clip jukeboxes. I remember how excited i was when bands like the ones listed above hit the screen. When their names came up. The creepy video clips were alright. Then when i realized their songs just suck i couldn’t really understand the whole thing. Iron Maiden shirts looked awesome. While their music is terrible. Full with solos, people are actually singing in high and clean voices, the songs were disturbingly long. Nothing fit. Megadeath played ballads and i knew there’s got to be something faster, louder, shorter and more brutal. If there isn’t a video like A Tout Le Monde I could never become a punk. That thing pissed me off enough that I spent my life from then on searching for music what is better. And the result is. Almost everything is better. Well the huge seek for brutal songs wasn’t started then. Ultra melodic one summer hits just enchanted me from focusing on the serious mission. Then of course years have come and gone and i’ve listened to lots of shitty bands, believed in bands who suck bla bla fucking bla. What matters it was a fun ride since i did it mostly all alone. The highly intolerant local scene never treated me like shit. Or maybe they did but I have never noticed or cared about the most of it. I just loved the music, the attitude and the smell of how cheap cigarettes and cheaper beer mixed in sweat reeked air. I love discovering new bands all by myself and then have conversations about them. I never wanted to be a part of something big that connects me with everyone. I love the method of punks are being friendly with each other all over the world and sharing floors, nerd outs, beers even if they just know each other for minutes. But I’m just as fine with the fact that most of the time I’m sitting here alone at home listening to music. I couldn’t do it in connection with other people. I sometimes even hate showing music to other people. Bands I’m truly in love with. Cause I find it intimate. Some things are just too personal to show. And I hate searching for my own reactions on other people’s faces. I could say that I like the connection within me and the bands but I gotta love some assholes’ bands too and it’s true: in the listeners’ heads every band is just better. Punk is good in my head. Cause I like punk. Maybe that’s why I am one.

EICIBPDPOM - back

2011-01-16T14:52:00.001+01:00

true love will find you

2011-01-16T14:40:00.002+01:00

I’ve got the amazing SonSkull lp from a good friend of mine as a present. And how else could I return such an awesome kindness than with to sit down on my ass and try to write him some entertaining thoughts. LPs for thoughts. Slowly but surely I put together a few pages zine to him on topics we sometimes discuss. With his permission I’m sharing the words.

TLWFY - foreword

2011-01-16T14:39:00.001+01:00

Probably this is the most pervert zine i’ve ever made. I always was writing about little tiny things others often confused to be personal issues. Well, they came from my head so they got to be personal in a way but i never really intended to write about myself and myself only. Washing the dishes couple minutes ago i was listening to this leftist radio station which has a show called Let’s Talk About It. Most of the callers are from the left side so is the host so what is happening is both ends of the line are talking about their opinions. Which is almost the same most of the times. Even though they articulate it into the air, i doubt that that many right-wing politicians would listen to it or care that much about it. These aren’t even arguments more likely agreements in every ten minutes. Anyways, we like to make ourselves to be heard and maybe that’s why i’ve just written this. Which basically won’t change anything cause unlike that radio show this doesn’t have that much purpose. I wrote it for you because you are awesome and kind. It really reminds me to my first zine which i wrote to my friends about what should be changed in the scene but i never addressed it to my friends like they should change anyhow. Which made it a bit non-sensual. But if you could enjoy this that’s all i want.

TLWFY - essay on bullshit # 1

2011-01-16T14:36:00.001+01:00

Swear when I wrote this I had no fucking idea who Slavoj Žižek is and what he does.

Some look on the world like it’s a musical. One makes a nod or yells: „hit it” and of course the music that fits the best starts to play from an unknown source. Everyone else is supporting this main act with providing chorus vocals and all these shit. Everyone knows how to move, the whole world is there for one person’s perfect performance. Even though musicals fucking suck most of the living creatures on earth would be so flattered to star one just once in their lives. To be seen is not some shallow desire. But making the whole world dance to your beats is one. And while everyone seems to be happy it’s just cheesy music with non-sense lyrics that no one takes serious and except for the main act everyone is just a simple tool what makes the background a bit more lively.
I on the other hand see the world as a zombie movie. Wikipedia says George A. Romero uses zombies as a political or social statement and i couldn’t really see them any different. Zombies always move in masses and in most of the movies they become a critical mass from where the people, who used to be normal, become the minority. We cheer for these used to be normals to survive because we in front of the screens still more closer to them. But we want them to stay alive for what? When the whole world is burning you maybe can take out the fire but then what’s gonna be left for you? All you will have are ashes and ruins. Buildings and damaged landscapes. Do they have that much sense without people? The weird thing about zombies is that they want you instinctively. It’s not clear if they want your brain out of hunger or are they just frustrated because you’re different. But when they bite you, you’ll become one of them. You can kill as many as you want or could but again there’s no real point except for calm and momentary feelings of safety. Which you can get if you hide. That’s the only weapon you can fight zombies. Cause zombies’ main goal is to make you one of them to be normal up to their standards. Is it that different from the society we live in now? How many times they, the whole world, want us to be like them. And when we won’t, they feel anger and want to destroy, control or hunt us. They make us hide. What we never see is how zombies function when there’re all just them. Do they still creep around slowly in masses? I know why they don’t show it. Cause if we saw them function in a society-like living structure what would be the point to keep staying out of it? I saw a movie called Blindness. It’s about a, sorry for the spoiler, brief diseases what makes everyone lose their sights so the world stops to work. What else could it do? All the great technological inventions need our eyes. I’m talking about vehicles when you see where you’re going with them and monitors on what you can see what you have to work on. Are we doomed without our eyes? What we see in this movie is the society trying to reorganize itself. Wait no. That’s what should happen. But rather it’s either complete chaos or total dictatorship. Everything has become incomprehensible fast and cruelly supported. We can’t wait for things if they won’t happen instantly. So require the whole world to wait and step back in technology few steps until the smartest people will create new tools what make our life easier to live is almost utopistic. So is it only our eyes to keep us socialized? I wonder if without seeing others, colors of our skins would still matter. Are we zombies for the blind? Putting out our frustration on them because they couldn’t fit in? If losing the ability to see would make this civilization fall then is one person’s tragedy a collapse?
Have no idea if the original book’s writer used sight with this intentions but i think it’s a great metaphor. Remember that horrible scene from Schindler’s List when so many people were shepherded into a huge shower objectum and the nazi soldiers turned the lights down on them? Many times i could feel this paranoia in today’s society. The constant fear of someone will turn the lights down on us so we won’t see anything. We’ll be just a bunch of people overpopulatedly close to each other confused and screaming in the dark. We are afraid of the weather, of economics, of homosexuals, of drug users, of radical thinkers, of different religions than ours, of god, of political parties, of nuclear bombs, of pedophiles, large countries that are either close to us or inject shitloads of money into their military. In every fucking minute something could collapse, snap, pushed and somehow we could feel the lights switched down on us. Uncertainty is the biggest enemy of ours and it’s hard to be certain in pitch-black. We could hide from this too. In the more classical sense zombies are just the living dead. Who are dead, barely functional but a bit are. Many have realized being scared and want to be some kind of a main act is too tiring as well. So they’ve chose to slow down and let themselves be bitten. Even if i’m not daydreaming about it, and wouldn’t really into this lame making it formal way i think i wouldn’t mind to marry someone i love. And if the world weren’t a fucked up, horrible place and for start my girlfriend / wife and i weren’t horrible people i maybe would conceive a child into all this. But it breaks my heart when i hear people talk about getting married and having kids before they even know who they want to marry or what they will do in the future. Maybe they are optimistic but the way they say it it’s more like an escape into all this. „My parents and everyone else i know did this so i have to do it as well”. Just because old people have died with a smile on their faces in their soft and comfy deathbeds it doesn’t mean the only way for us to achieve such happy ending is to follow their path. I don’t know if there’s any conclusion i’m heading towards with all this. Cause there are very few movies when no crucial character changings are happening and the main character won’t become a grow up or settle with his or her life. But that’s the movie i want for myself. Maybe become smarter but stay something like this what i am now. Without the need to feel all the time that zombies are fucking chasing me.

TLWFY - Things what depress me

2011-01-16T14:33:00.001+01:00

- People dropping the word nostalgia around loud and fast music and outsider ideas. Which they listened or seemed to believe in a few years ago. Seriously people, stop glorifying your pathetic time span what you’d spent mostly in your head as a rebellious teen. Sometimes it’s fun to look back but so lame to romanticize it like „oh, it used to be so good but now i’m totally over it”. Like only naive little kids would be involved in such things. If you’re over it then why the fuck are you always referring to it? It’s like when a canadian guy told me because i’m just 23 i should do drugs now so i’ll have the experiences and i could grow older and remember these times as how fun was it to be young. But fuck that. Fuck the concept of in some point of my life there will be things i’m not gonna do, try or experience just because i’m advanced with my age. Cause maybe i could be corrupted or fuck knows what. That is just some big bullshit. Young people thinking and acting like they are old is fucking depressing. Especially when they are only doing it to overestimate the passing of time to seem a bit similar to those old guys who they are looking up to. Even the old guys are depressing and aping depressing people is the most depressing thing ever.
- Professional musicians. Who think just because they can play on their instruments many chords in the school way, they deserve more than what they can get by themselves. Almost every time in this case bands could not write one proper song. They are all about technique and no original ideas. Requires for what? No one cares about your stupid solos. It’s not even pissing me off it’s just so sad i wanna cry my pillow salty.
- Young kids who want to be professionals only to be famous and liked. Before even doing anything. Afraid to risk anything, never do nothing. Way to go kids!
- People who think there’s such thing as serious music journalism not just fans with reliable tastes and even if they hate these so called journalists they make them feel legit. When a fan thinks he or she is a pro it’s reviews mostly talk about what other media said about the record and they try to be objective. About a record? It’s more like funny than depressing.
- People who lose money or interest in punk so they call their scene or the whole thing dead.
- People who think others do everything with some kind of bad intentions. Lots of times these judgmental heads call themselves anarchists. But how could someone be an anarchist when they don’t trust people? Some people are different than others. And because we find things shitty it doesn’t mean for others it’s not the best thing ever. We listen to unlistenable music and we think it’s the best thing ever. It’s the fascists who decide why people doing things.
- People carrying more about formats than the content. „I don’t listen to cds or mp3s”. No one listens to cds or mp3 there are bands playing music on them. Arrogance is really really sad. Fuck limited stuffs and format obsessed individuals.
- People claiming respect. Especially from the young fellows towards the old farts while first of all the old guys are constantly shitting on the young ones and second what the fuck? Respect, behaving? Is it a fucking family lunch or could we be punks? And what do you do with respect? You want it for what you are doing now or for what you did long long time ago?
- Old people killing hope in young. Fucking lame that much it is so depressing.
- People in punk telling others what they should do or how it should be. Like a scene, a band, a zine could be controlled and there should be someone who’s in charge. Things are happening cause people want them to happen if you don’t like it make something else what suits you the best.
- People who only talk about their jobs or tv series. I feel sad for people who only live for their jobs and the coolest thing for them to talk about is tv.
- Conservative punks makes me feel stupid cause i couldn’t really put the two things together in my head. And i feel sad when i’m stupid.
- People who express their opinions about bands in relation with their crowd or the social phenomenon what surrounds these bands. So so sad cause we should care about the bands not their fans.
- People proud to not know or do something. „I’ve never read this book, i never read anything”. Bravo fucking bravo.

TLWFY - Thing i never learned to do or not capable of doing that’s why i’m sorry for

2011-01-16T14:32:00.001+01:00

- ollie high
- be able to draw
- had real fights when i was around 16
- i can’t whistle
- to moonwalk

TLWFY - essay on bullshit # 2

2011-01-16T14:31:00.000+01:00

Are we really all these boring, unlucky people with no friends and even less love? We always have to move, escape or cope with the shit? Is shit the center of our lives? Do we like it this way? What is happening all the time? We hate the cities where we live, the people who we see and simply mark them in our heads as the people and we constantly want to be somewhere else. Where it’s fun. A summer camp with all the four seasons and without semi-dictatorish supervisors, new street names to remember and million miles between us and that girl who’s simple gentle stare breaks our hearts at every single show where we bump into her. So we listen to songs what create a whole new, more likeable world in our heads. Where everything is fine, sounds awesome and even that fucking frustration, anger and hatred is something we can enjoy and tap to with our feet. Or we sit around on empty weekday nights or could have been better weekends and we create things. Small things what mean the world for us. In hope that the whole world will come to us by these. If we create we’ll became these products. That’s right we instantly become objectified. Not that different from the jerk off materials that are floating around on the interweb. People ask us when the new thing will be out or tell us the latest stuff was somehow different than the previous ones. But with all it’s awkwardness, to be liked is not a terrible thing. It’s a great benefit if you’re doing something you really like and believe in. Sometimes it would be fun to really live that life as we do exist in other’s heads. Where we only come up till we produce. So in the meantime it won’t hurt at all. We would be simply nothing. But really it’s not that horrible to live.
Are we what we do or are we what we think? I do what i do cause i think what i think. But some people just think and others only do. That’s why some jobs are hated. Causes for the most, people are only jobs, occupations, professions. While jobs are like cities. The ones we already hate. But we have to live somewhere.
The drawback of doing something is: I’m chained to the process. If i’m travelling i have to move. If I love I have to stick to a person. If i wanna be in a band i better pick a city. Cause that’s what matters. A band is writing songs in a rehearsal room, practicing them and playing those on local shows till we record some of them probably in our town from where we’re sending them out. It’s the same with fanzines. You have to sit down and write the damn thing then put it together and distribute it. I wrote a zine on the road. Or I might say I scripted it. But after I got home I had to sit on my ass, type it in, print it out, cut it up, find old books, cut them into pieces and past-glue the whole thing all together, xerox it so many times then bend the pages all together and carry some to all the shows where I went and wanted to make money from what I can buy booze. And don’t even start me on being a record geek buying vinyl to your address and listening to them while sitting next to the turn table. If you do something you have to do it at one point and mostly all alone. I go to band rehearsals when everybody is out drinking and making out, having a fun on dance floors, puking on night buses. I carry that huge and heavy bass case and I feel awkward. Then I come home and practice more, listen to hard to hear recordings while trying to write songs, better notes than I improvised in the room. I remember when i was in a band and while i was virgin how much i envied those guys who came to our shows with their girlfriends and actually liked us. And maybe they thought “wow this is cool, guess this guy is rolling”. But i didn’t. Maybe people were gifting the cds, what i put together, for christmas which lead to gratitude sex while i tried to get drunk from my small amount of money and hide my drunkenness from my parents. We sit around and do. We are do-ers. While people go on spiritual journeys or discover new cities maybe carrying us with them in forms of paper, files, vinyl. But we sit in one point, forming bands, staying awake to put together things. Maybe go to bars only for inspiration or celebration on tiny achievements. We create stories cause things aren’t happening with us. There’s nothing poetic about my life. I have to think all the time.
What is more heartbreaking when people tell me i should start to work then it will stop me thinking all the time. But I wanna work only because I can keep thinking then. I want money and that’s all. I’m facing an upcoming high school reunion and even if I won’t go of course it went through my head what would I say? How would I summon the last 5 years? Maybe in the same way as I did couple weeks ago for a girl who seemed to be concerned about my happiness. In my past 5 years I did it. I fucking made it and mostly by myself. Everything. I can manage, book, write, distribute, put together, promote, organize, cook, dance, survive, play, rip, have fun. I wanted to be in a band and I was and still am. I’ve learnt to play on an instrument the punk way. I wanted to write and I’m constantly doing it. I wanted to travel as touring. I wanted to create great music and I did. I could be constantly indulge myself of giving my best time by time. And I wanted some people to like what I do. And I do great things what i can like and glad to show without that much of egoisticism. Because I’m so into them and you should believe me I truly hate myself pretty much the whole time. So work is money for me and that’s all. What I can invest into my survival as a punk. I don’t need career. I don’t wanna buy big things. If I wanna travel I could make it almost for free. I know people in huge cities so I won’t have to rent rooms or bunk beds in shitty hostels. And I’m not only in love with touring because I can have fun for free with my friends but also because I can be constantly amazed of how nice this all is. The international connection of listening to awesome bands and having the greatest ideas.
I used to wonder how cool it would be if I were a writer. Or a journalist. Same daydreaming everyone does after they learn the abc. But I don’t want to become one and have to cover up things because someone signed me to do it. I love writing and thinking but I don’t really into the school or official or professional form of it. I’m not even sure if I’m really that good at it. I just know I like it when I’m doing it and I don’t want it to define me. I want to define what I’m writing. If you wanna give me money for that, just for the simple enjoyment of reading my stuff then do it. But it has to come from desperation if I ever want to be a journalist. We really are obsessed with producing or serving. Take those arrogant assholes who work in instrument or computer stores knowing everything about what they are selling but nothing besides that and treating their costumers like retarded animals. Cause they as well identify themselves with their jobs and look down on everyone who’s different. The intellectuals have this fetishlike love affair for blue-collar workers. That’s why they have invented communism. The sexualisation of hard, sweaty work. People seek for dignity in their occupations and nothing pays of better the self-righteousness than suffering in long shift shitty jobs. Probably I will work something nonsense. Even if it will be helpful for some it won’t be what I would really wanna do. Cause I’m doing it already but not for money nor for dignity. I’m just doing it cause it’s fun. And fun is where my dignity lies.
Obviously there are jobs that are not punk. Without drawing borders of punk I would say every job is terrible for which you have to give up your whole self. It’s almost impossible to work without come in terms with some lame rules of the work place. I myself wanna work in t-shirt and don’t have to care about how my hair or facial hair looks. I’d be a ceo of a company If it won’t live up all my time. I don’t want to be cruel to people or sell my conscience out. So I might not be a ticket controller either.
What’s ahead of me is to choose an incognito. Which for I don’t have to care that much. But it’s not easy to convince myself to sacrifice my precious empty hours, what I’ve spent with seeking for and listening to great music and brainstorming on better ideas, for just getting money. So every Sunday I go to bed with a so far never fulfilled promise: I’m gonna start a fake life on Monday.

TLWFY - Thing i should stop doing

2011-01-16T14:29:00.000+01:00

- Spiting while urinating
- Putting my chin on a plastic bottle while i’m sitting at my table, sometimes scratching my teeth on the plastic cap.
- Not having a conversation but just telling stories like i’m biding with someone on who will run out first of anecdotes.
- Always telling the same things. Especially when i’m drunk.

TLWFY - essay on bullshit # 3

2011-01-16T14:28:00.000+01:00

Actually we are the cool ones. Cause we are really ok with ourselves and we are confident and don’t really give a fuck about unimportant others, circumstances and bogus obstacles. No one knows this because we are all in a secret society. The world does make us awkward and confused and barely functional when it drags us out from our safe circles. It always wants to prove us we worth nothing. Even if we don’t, I don’t give a fuck till I love this non-existence. For me it’s the world what sucks. And if we turn our backs on it, we bravely express our opinions, for start we do have opinions. We don’t give a fuck about shit like whether we look good or not, social statuses and consuming capitalist symbols. But we do give a mountain-full of shit for what we do, think or how we live our lives. When I sit alone at bars listen to other people I feel like they are part of another reality. A parallel one which I can see and they could see me as well but we hardly cross each other’s lines. They are just different and make me sad all the time. I don’t wanna change them, not even feel sorry for them. They just make me sad and I would have to pay heavy money for a shirk if I wanted to know the why beyond this sorrow. I don’t care that much till I have my people. With whom i could bond, appreciate and help each other easily if we spy the common signs and could speak the common language. Which uses the grammar of the punk attitude. This is all just narcissism and the share of that. I love that i love what i love. And i love it cause i could feel connected to it. And it’s good to share. I like people who could be enthusiastic and do hard work like child’s play because they want to do this whatever and it makes everything easy all the time. Sometimes when i see someone who seems like an interesting or beautiful person i imagine her to be into things similar like i am. Cause how on earth she isn’t, while she looks like the coolest person ever. We were walking on the streets with my good friend one hot summer night and he explained how disappointing is for him to see someone from a distance and feel like she or he is one of us. But getting closer it’s just the cloths and the look, maybe the gesture on the face. But nothing from the arsenal of our secrets. Ipod has became a social status symbol as once mobile phones or plasma tvs in eastern europe had. But everyone makes calls or watches tv. But only a few could fill a pocket sided multimedia object with many gigas of music. And there’s even fewer for whom there’s never enough place to fill. We are one of a kind. We are unique. Or at least we were.

We liked to be locked. We lock ourselves from the world because it’s boring and useless when it doesn’t offer us good money, tasty food, great sight to see while walking. But to be locked is always better when we are locked together with someone. That’s why I wonder if those people who look I am, are they similar to me. Are they part of the secret? They have an ipod full with music there’s got to be something common. The thing is. It really isn’t that hard to fill an ipod. Not that hard either with music I would be nerding out on. Everything is learnable nowadays that’s why it’s easy to adapt. Some people put their whole lives into the liking of some things or just to have a great taste and feel like they should be paid for that.

We hate these people cause they are selling out our precious obsessions. They make culture from it. Turning it into something cheap and easily adoptable. With observable objects and treating the whole as a subject. They (means we) are angry. Why? It has to be some lame, childish shit. While maybe we are just naturally angry. That’s what normal for us. We didn’t choose punk because it looked the coolest or because that’s what our surroundings were listening to. We found it because we knew there’s gotta be something like this. Because for us it’s the coolest but we live this. And we are not normal people. For normal people it’s the least cool.

The problem is this. New people told to discover bands because they (the bands) are cool so people are not doing it by themselves but to become the ones who name dropped obscure bands from their rebelfull youth. The main problem is not accepting a suggestion. It’s that in many people’s heads these bands are not cool because of their music and their messages simply are but because cool people only said they are. While punk is not about accepting. It’s about learning, thinking and improving, as far as possible by yourself from your own will. Cause it’s all about liberating yourself and become cool by your own terms.

Owning something this obscure holds it’s protection in it’s obscurity. But now in this informational world obscurity is just a water fall. Everyone could step through it and becoming wet is nothing what people are afraid of anymore. More so people love to tell stories about getting wet just look around the worshippers of GG Allin. So here we are. We have traitors with followers trying to mimic us. While these things couldn’t be reduced to shirts and the listening to bands. I think like that major threat nike ad wasn’t nike’s evil plan to exploit and rob the punk community and label it with a cheap remark of an amazing ep. More likely there was someone in love with Minor Threat and thought it would be cool to drop a reference. Out from a semi-secret source. But even if it came from enthusiasm the idea was kinda lame. The thing is. That ep is still as good many many years later as even one of the biggest companies on earth couldn’t spoil it. Cause we are the cool ones. We are strong and self-assured. Money, shinning lights and nude bodies won’t buy my life up. If I buy a nike shoes I will do it cause I either like the design or trust it’s life-span against the ground I’m walking on.

I have to admit. Some of the bands I’m listening to are the best bands on this planet. So if people only like their music is highly believable for me. But just because someone had listened to some bands for a brief time s/he doesn’t know punk. Just to be among individuals won’t make you one of them. Maybe what we do is no secret anymore. They listen to the bands we like, read the zines we read and attend at concerts we go to, they wear the cloths we like to wrap around our bodies. We could be reproduced for a picture or for a video clip. Even someone could mimic that he is as cool as we are with waving a bad brains record to the camera. But who is cool that not gonna do this. The importance of knowing is most likely disappearing day by day. Am I sad because of it? A little. It’s kinda frustrating seeing something I love from the bottom of my heart being worn out by assholes. So what do I do? I don’t care about those dickheads. I do believe in everyone is doing what they want to do, so I’m not gonna start to try changing their ideas nor will I wanna make them leave and forget. I believe in creating alternatives. Options. Which already exist. This alternative existed long before the first punk song was ever written. And finally it got back home again filled with meaning. What matters today is what we feel and think. But I’d rather go with the feeling. Because it’s true, it couldn’t be bought, adopted, mimicked. By time goes and we still do the same, listen to the same music people will less likely understand why we still carry on. And that’s good. Cause they would have to feel it to understand. And what is really magical: They never will.

TLWFY - essay on bullshit # 4

2011-01-16T14:08:00.004+01:00

I watched this magnificent movie called the hairdresser’s husband. It’s about a man who likes to dance, smoke cigarettes and beautiful women who cut hairs. He just lives and one day finds the one. From then on they are happy. This movie was about nothing but being happy and dancing while you don’t give a damn about what others might think of your moves and drinking perfumes to get drunk in a storm. I wouldn’t call this movie true but nor do i call über-realistic just screaming on the edge of sanity, breaking glasses and drinking hard liquor all the time plots. Somehow we became these terrible people. We feel bad a lot and when we could get our minds off we still just move on and continue to witness even more horrible things than what our lives are. Because we’re obsessed with not being scammed.
That’s why i loved the hairdresser’s husband. Finally i didn’t have to care about keeping this image of not carrying. It was much better than to take lsd and have a bad trip so i can say it added to my character and i saw another part of the reality. Somehow we look on drugs as the real deal of life while they just as fake as movies. The only difference between drugs and fake, well let’s call them cultural objects is that drugs always work. While with something not as effective to get under it’s influence it needs us. As much as we need it. I only call things shit what i don’t need. And i terribly needed the hairdresser’s husband. It was the magic, the fun, the complete difference of what i experience or call true while i believed every minute of it. Proudly. It was magical. So i kept thinking. Why are we always embarrassed to tell we really like something even if no one suffered? Where no big shit happens. Just for the simple fact that we like it. Because it was fun. I look on punk pretty much like this. Sure i’d have some offensive, suspicious and always questioning everything side of myself if nothing shitty were ever happened to me but i like all my frustration to pass if there’s no big real reason to be in spite of anything. I’m angry cause this piece of shit world doesn’t let me love what i want harmlessly. I don’t really understand people when they say punk is not just fun. Or not fun at all. Even when it comes to do something which would live up many hours of my time or needs me in the way that i will be exhausted and tired i still do all of it cause it’s fun. Otherwise it would be a duty which is non-sense if i’m here by choice. I won’t do anything because i have to by a rule. Even when i let some unknown bands crash on my floor i did it cause i thought it would be fun. And when someone writes me a letter, asks me in person or calls me up for asking for anything i’ll answer it cause it feels good sometimes to help. If not instantly but in the bigger picture. I just love the pure pleasure of enjoying things without telling myself „oh i did this, i should be proud of myself for that”. I never was into hard work or sweating for nothing but for the questionable dignity of the aforementioned „yes i’ve done that”. Fuck that. Even when we are raising important questions and want to solve them we’re doing it because we want this.
It used to be hard. At the beginning you had to die, then at least got many killed by your ideas. You had to suffer, be creative. Then like not doing something was fair enough. I don’t eat in mcdonalds, I’m fighting capitalism. Now you should just blame and shit on everyone who does something and you’re ok. Heroism is much more affordable as heads are getting filled with hatred and disgust. Everyone always throw words like radical, creative, original. Which might be a goal for me as well but on the journey which leads to the end point I’ll produce other things which might not fit the three big adjectives but I’m gonna like them anyways. It’s one key of the whole thing. If you always just care about what’s new and never been done before you might miss what you like. Cause trying to do new things is only what you really like if there’s nothing you could like now. Otherwise it’s not the product what you’re interested in but in the social status that you’ll gain by inventing something new. Even with my new band which I couldn’t really put in any genre so I call it psychedelic oi but mostly we sound like early meat puppets minus the country bullshit changed to joy division and Ramones, as you see I can describe it with many bands who not just already wrote many songs but most of them broke up before I was even born. Does it bother me? No it isn’t. I can say that the modern world is not inventing new things by creating whole unique and new stuff but with putting some already existing things together to form a new aspect. As words, and notes are finite being original or creative is born before everyone. I stopped reading a year ago when I’ve realized most of the things I know I know from someone who wrote his ideas down and I’ve read them. So I rather think on my own and what I experienced is lots of times I see my ideas back from someone else. Which makes me a sad at first cause I lost the game. I’m reading back my ideas from her/him not the other way around. But then I’m kinda happy that I’m as smart as a man who’s been published. Maybe I should go back to reading. Especially when literature doesn’t interest me as much as music does. And as I pointed out I always played in some already existing genre. Sadly only movies can do what I really love. When a movie doesn’t have a classical plot, things are just happening or not and the movie is still great. For me in music it happens when I hear something that sounds amazingly new or true even if I know it’s not. I call it the ramones effect. Ramones wrote the most primitive songs with lyrics what hardly made any sense at all but they sound like the best songs in the world. And it’s almost impossible to reproduce a ramones song. So everyone who believes in his or her idea doesn’t matter how original, radical or unique it is and does it with enthusiasm it will surely sound, look, read great. For me that’s punk’s best benefit. I remember when I saw a footage of a YDI show in the american hardcore documentary. The singer went on stage and exploded. He moved like a maniac and there wasn’t a slight hint of any pre-thought motion. He did what he wanted on the stage. He wanted to put himself out and he did it without carrying a bit. That’s what disappointing in a way when I see a band being shy or afraid of the crowd’s reaction. I’m sad when I spy the lack of need to do what one thinks is fun. I just love the music and of course the ideas too. I’ve witnessed on myself that with getting out of school I’m not only interested in girls and not seeing a future but seeing what’s going on in the present. So I had an epiphany this summer during a tour. I was left alone in berlin’s own Köpi. It was raining my cloths were wet. I lost an austrian anarchist girl as a conversation partner to a german squatter. I toke a dump in the info center’s toilet where the sink was full with vomit. But on my way from the toilet to a shelter where my warm beer was waiting I realized where I am, how did I get here and what do I do. I had the time of my life. I was in berlin on a tour with my best friends. On a trip I booked solely. I didn’t know what day it was and I knew if anyone who’s not into this as deep as we are, they wouldn’t understand why I enjoy this. But I loved that. Not the fact of being unique in a different way but the secret I had which was why I’m having fun. I’m not punk all the time. In the meaning of sometimes I don’t force my punkness to x-ray everything’s legit status for my standards. I’m more likely let it work instinctively. Cause setting up and following rules is so easy. Especially if it works only with hatred. I hate this, I hate that, everything sucks. That’s a really sad way to live a life. Punk has this tendency to retain youth in ourselves. Which sometimes is the first element of a personality people tend to dump. And it’s sad. Kids usually just care about things they like and they like it because they think it’s good. And cause there’s no objective definition of something good other than it can’t be progressive rock or jazz it’s totally their liberate choice.
When I said I’m not punk all the time I meant I don’t always suspect some major conspiracy behind things what not just I but also maybe my mother would like. Listenable music is not always evil. And because it’s listenable of course more money will be in it. But I’m not listening to it because I take it serious other than I take serious my taste and the connection between that and their music. If it fits I have no problem with this. Maybe it’s my less true, spoiled or still childish side of myself. But I’m fine with it. Cause I still have my ultimate hunger for new, interesting or simply just good punk music. And music in general. But I’m a punk so I have my heart there. The thing is, it’s fun for me to keep my enthusiasm not as hard work. It’s not hard for me to deny parts of society, and capitalist culture what I don’t like. I like to have epiphanies after flushing my shit in squats and avoid most of the consumer society. Nothing is really hard and painful when you love to do it.

two reasons why cloak/dagger is one of the best bands ever

2010-10-10T15:58:00.004+02:00

2008 - exeter

2010 - budapest

another summer

2010-09-01T23:28:00.003+02:00

this blog isn’t dead. nothing is what i do. and maybe i don’t have big plans and not even promises, don’t give up on me. rather check out my other blogs. but before that here’s my annual list of summer.

during the summer I/'ve...

…acted like a kid and slightly felt guilt because of it

…been up till early morning a lot. Budapest could look like an abandoned battlefield. But it’s nice to ride home with the first buses among the ruins of the night

…finally wrote a fanzine in english (during a two weeks storm)

…recorded a new demo with my awesome band

…been on tour and it was a blast. What else could it have been if we were travelling and partying along with Rákosi

…did lawnmowing a lot which was cool. I hung all alone at my parents' tiny weekend house, was drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and wondering around the lake nearby

…fell totally in love with the new Beach House record

…been at the barn fest which is always a life changing / recharging experience

…befriended new people who i always liked from the distance and thus i became more social and a bit more nice

…smoked a lot of weed (not always the best quality)

…cooked a lot

…tried speed or amphetamin or both (during one night) – it isn’t that big of a deal as i thought previously

…made out with a male dog totally drunk under a kitchen table in germany

…couldn’t make out with any human being

…fell in love with every girl who i talked to and wasn’t a complete idiot or annoying

…been at house parties

…danced at house parties and at some other places

…dry humped a ladder at a house party

…hung with Spencer but not as much as i wanted to

…had amazing amount of fun with duck tape

…snuck into a show. We were on the guest list but whatever. Broke kids grab equipments and security will say nothing

…met new people

…got awesome gifts and had killer meals

…had a jam session with people whose music i always admired and i might joined a new band

…partied with crust punks, fell over a flower bed on the street while i tried to puke in it and almost broke my face. Well there’s still a scar on my nose but now i have one scar and million options for a story.

…slept on floors and under the stars and tables

…carried people on my back

…freaked some people out while drunk and maybe in sober mode as well

…stole beer from a squat so maybe i can say i just squated them

…beat parts of a drum in a tiny and old car

…swam in natural waters but not as much as i wanted

…listened and learned to play as many Ramones songs as a common person should

…only regreted that i didn’t jump into a river in the czech republic. But i wasn’t sure how deep it was and i was a bit scared of leeches

…connected with amazing people from all around the world

…puked suprissingly few times

…lost track with culture except for music

…booked a show to the best austrian band Determination

…ate myself into half-comas

…imitated the marx brothers at night in the middle of the city, drunk with a bloody face

…been an asshole few times but i already was and could have been worse

…barely wear shorts for what i got much respect from others

…been accused of being a sexist when i only love babes

…almost talked to the hungarian Lemmy but i had my hoodie on my head when the phone got pushed into my ears so i couldn’t hear anything and he was a douche anyway.

…sadly realized the awesome bonfire setting cult and people who brought prostitutes to the hill, what faces my window, both groups just dissapeared

…wrote less than i wanted but thought more…then i wanted

…called strangers on phone which is a big thing for me

…enjoyed the shit out of wearing weird shoes or my pants weirdly and listening to awesome music on public vehicles while a bit drunk

…did give a slight fuck about the soccer world championship

…been at a bar alone, twice

…floated on water

…walked in a cemetry daytime

...slept a little

…was listening to music while laying on my and other people’s floors.

Well its the end of another slow death summer
and I don't know if I'll make another
in this asthmatic city
wheezing something about "mercy please"

more future

2009-12-23T01:34:00.002+01:00

This decade was really something for me. But since I’ll be only 23 on the dawn of the next 10 it’s obvious that the first funs happened with me during the first 10% of the 21st century. I’m not gonna list those. Most of them are more than ordinary. Rather in the name of inovation here are some of my plans for the 10’s:

- Became a visible member of Rákosi. As a second guitarist, playing only feedbacks while dressed as a captain of a yacht.
- Be a roadie on Baader Brains russia/middle asia/ north korea tour, do guest vocals every night in the obvious part of the obvious song wearing nothing but an american flag. I’ve heard all of those countries love public nudity.
- Write shitloads of zines about things i’m only interested in. Make no money out of them altough receiving secret love notes as it happened in the fanzine exhibition at ceu is welcomed big time.
- Somehow pull a prank on the punk community. International or local it’s not decided yet.
- Be huge with the yet secret bro-core, hardcore band i'm in, and laugh on people who believe i take it serious. I mean the lifestyle. Playing Cro Mags songs backwards is another level of fun. And i always take fun dead serious.
- Write six complete Ninpulator songs by myself.
- Tour every year. Not neccesery with bands i’m in. I love to be in cities and don't pay for shit.
- Ninpulators / Rákosi shows, tours, split records and t-shirts.
- Buy a pipe. For weed. I don’t wanna learn how to roll and most of the times i find public smoking too akward. home-baked!
- Get some shitty tatoos. And one master-piece with Kevin Spacey’s face. See no evil, hear no evil is the best movie. ever.
- Learn how to drive and then go on car trips, all alone. Or with a girlfriend if i’ll have one. Probably i will, cause chicks love guys with licenses. And i love girls with lice. No, not really i just love gross jokes.
- Get as much free shit as i can. It’s a permanent desire of mine.
- Write something for MRR.
- Pick a fight with someone famous. Best would be a fashion designer.
- Spread rumors about a Something Against You reunion show but never do it. Or do it for bailing out friends.
- Avoid getting pregnant any girl.
- Turn down offers which basically suck.
- Write a solo ep, record it, and never play live.
- Do something with rappers.
- Learn to draw. I know it’s not gonna happen since i will do nothing for it to happen but would be so awesome.
- Get my life together in the adult way while stay a true to the core punk.
- Regain the will to not only buy new books but to read them as well.
- Visit Spencer in his town. only swinging between his apartment and the cheapest stripteas bars / mexican joints. and check out the thing, how they do punk.
- Cause some major trouble for someone/something major not take the fall for it and not even care about it.
- Not jinx anything above.

pfa

2009-10-29T00:13:00.003+01:00

I have this on and off desire to write a fanzine in english. It’s not gonna be out soon for sure but i have things written down already. Here’s something i wrote about PFA after one of their shows couple months ago. Since then they released some amazing eps and within a year they reached from a being an amazing thrashy band the toes of the late era Black Flag. I’m wondering what the future holds for us as listeners and them as a band? Will Black Sabbath and weed help them? Will they ever write songs about eating pizza? Will they fuck every girl i want before me?

the hungarian punk prodigies PFA. I already hate these little pricks. I don’t know for how long they are together but i would say it’s barely more than one year. And they already know what they want to play and how should they play it. They are amazing. I like when a punk band looks like the members are also punks but the "too normal for playing punk rock" look of these guys especially one of the guitar players' just makes it even better. They seem like weird kids who have been brought up in shitty gardens full with garbage, running with scissors in their hands. They seem friendly but that kind of friendly who your mother would find charming but they would surely piss in her bed if you were housing a party at your place and intevited them over.

I want these guys feed with lsd and send them to windsurf at the lake nearby them to fight with old farts who are there for fishing. Let them have these kinda sick experiences so they could tell these later in the form of songs. I always wanted my band sound for an outsider like when you miss the right bus stop and get off at a strange place and happen to be in a vague situation. There are kids sitting at the bus stop playing with knives and staring at you with static eyes. You begin to fear your life and every second became an hour of desperation and stress. Then before they stand up to slit your throat another bus just runs in to save your pathetic life but even though this whole event happens within few minutes it will stay with you for much longer. PFA is just like that. They are the strange kids with knives in their hands.

They play thrashy punk hardcore with mutalized solos sweated out by one finger. Pace changing parts like the mood-rollercoaster of a drunk person balancing on the edge of a black-out. Their minimalist lyrics sound like drunk findings and epiphanies of modern society and of punk itself murmured at the lower ends of house parties on a vomited couch. Every word have this such awekening stink of a belch, they need a bit digestion but all in all they are thoughtful, funny, derisive and most of all true. PFA is the perfect music to drop acid and watch gummo backwards. Or just wondering about these kinda things.
It’s not the sound of terror. It’s the sound of taking weird drugs what make you more punk not a smiling puppy who accepts everything what the world offers. It’s better. With this, making fun out of everything is what you do. As a girl once told me: i want the world to fuck with you all the time cause it could elicit a lot out of you. I want these guys to go deeper and become more evil, more noisey. And if they do maybe someday they will either destroy or save the world of lonely teenagers who live thousand of miles away from them. I can see the potention in them and hope they will avoid the hungarian curse.

And the abbreviation is international cause Pina, Fing Anarachia has the same capital letters as Pussy, Fart, Anarchy.

http://pfa.punkportal.hu/

summer

2009-09-05T01:06:00.002+02:00

during the summer I/'ve...

…wore jeans rather than shorts
…learnt a new profession to avoid being an asshole in a suit
…slept under the stars
…puked too much (best was in gepard’s van into a plastic bag which had his breakfast for the next day)
…tried hasis (another step further to be a heroin addict)
…smoked too good weed
…had some awkward house parties
…spencer came around again so finally i had someone for two weeks whom i could hang during daytime talk about hardcore/punk and girls, hang our legs into fountains, read MRRs in parks, waste time in bars, visit bookstores and have killer foods
…cooked a lot
…had rehearsals with new bands
…barley watched any new (for me) movies or read any new books
…witnessed Rákosi recording their already world famous demo (and puked from too good weed during the guitars but contributed in one line (lyrically))
…seen some amazing shows
…shoved a microphone to Pink Eye’s mangina
…hanged with the sweetest band in the world (Press Gang)
…got cool gifts
…sang magnetic fields at a bar with Matt to Spencer and by myself to Borics (then he stated he won’t fuck me no matter how hard i try to make him)
…at last swam in a lake, twice in a row
…rode vespa with Lori (but just once you lazy mean fuck!)
…booked a show for Short Fuse (with big help from Matyipotter)
…not gone on tour and been abroad only once
…got SO into Band of Horses
…fell in love again deeper with punk and rediscoverd the beauty of skateboarding. This time only as a bystander but fuck, this is not a sport it’s art (in a good sense)
…had this desire to make love to foreign girls and of course i faild with it
…pissed on a church (while Gepárd thought i was still in his car so he drove away and left me there - in the middle of czech republic)
…diagnosed myself clinically addicted to Office
…told awkward jokes to P.C. people and drunk stories to my relatives
…tried to get addicted to cigarettes
…had beers for breakfast
…and pizzas for all the other meals
…didn’t really have any mental problems. Except the two days when i had to be part of Gepard's creepy obsession for fishing and sleeping next to water
…witnessed the weirdest things in the hill in front of my window (bonefires, techno parties, prostitution, working out, kung fu practice, girls playing badminton in bras, fights)
…hanged with awesome dudes at night on the shore of the Balaton
…fell in love with every second girl i’ve seen but haven’t fallen in love for real with anyone new
…had my headphone totally fell apart so i had to listen to people’s conversations on public transportations. They are horrible. But at least i read Lolita cause i just hate traveling without doing anything.
…gained this new hobby: watching occult pics and following awesome girls’ blogs
…listened to more music than ever before
…not found a job
…wrote notes for myself and they make more sense when i’m reading them sober
…spat down from high places
…been force fed with seitan
…daydreamed waaaay too much
…still didn’t give a shit

As for an after party yesterday we drank cheep beer, were listening to elliott smith and low, drank more beer on a hill in a grass from glasses. Danced half naked to animal collective and rival schools, watched office episodes and porn in my bed. Then today i woke up with terrible hangover. Went to swimm which was fun and on our way home i saw the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. She was perfect and was talking about architecture. I had to eat a hamburger to calm down my raging feelings. I wish i had a "you’re beautiful card" that i cold give away to every amazing women.

"When this band breaks up I will just do karaoke." interview with Jason Mazzola (Cloak / Dagger)

2009-04-01T23:52:00.005+02:00

First time i’ve ever seen some of these guys was when Count Me Out played their one and only european tour at a small town near to my hometown. It was on my birthday and to prove Steven Patrick’s right the show just wasn’t that fun. The turn out was weak and the whole night suffered the lack of the goood vibe punk/hardcore shows most of the times have. At that time i wasn’t already into Count Me Out. What proved that i should pay attention? They soundchecked with Lose Yourself from 8 mile’s ost (what was coming out that time). And it was funny. And cool. So Count Me Out broke up and i got into them. How typical? Then i got into some of the bands their ex members had featured in. And finally one day i discoverd Cloak / Dagger. For the first it was just an awesome punk/hardcore band that has more what they show. And i was right. The fucking lp is a killer! It puts together everything i like in music everything and everything i like in punk. I’ve listened to it countless times when i was walking around, taking the night bus drunk, dish washing, laying on my bedroom’s floor. There is no mood they don’t fit in. It has noise, energy, paranoia and fun fun and fun. I was siked when they first came to europe and more siked when i had the opportunity to see them in Vienna and Budapest. It was one and a half year ago but i would still say it was the last real punk show that happaned here (in budapest). Crowd went crazy, danced like they don’t care and also on drugs, confetti and candy were flying, drinks were spilled, summersault were thrown. Watching that was like the perfect pictures for the music and it just felt so right to be a part of it. And then it was over. They have gone further and here was just no band that i could care to go, see and get crazy.
The weird thing was: I’ve found a picture from the vienna show of my friend and i are screaming in front of the stage C/D is playing. And i sent it to him. He responded with dates what the Daggers are playing in the uk within two months. And at that moment it just became obvious that we have to go. I had to finish my thesis to get a diploma but to be honest i cared and wondered more about the shows. We flew in, ate and drank everything overpriced, slept on the streets in november, saw homeless fights, got yelled at, had long distance train and bus rides but it worth it. Totally! We saw them 4 times and whatever happened after and before the shows it just doesn’t matter now and didn’t matter then. In whatever situation we were we just waited for the show to kick in. So i say it without hesitation Cloak / Dagger is one of the best bands of punk rock ever!

Ps.: Needles to say the members are pure awesome! Why? Because they gave me free beer!

This is an e-mail interview with Jason Mazzola their singer. He fronted Count Me Out as well. He’s a pretty good drawer, writes awesome lyrics, wears decent shirts and says milky almost as cool as LL Cool J.

How you doin'? What are you up to these days?

I'm doing good today. I just saw Cro Mags this weekend. We just practiced for a few hours and have written 17 songs for our next lp over the last year. We are recording it next month back in Kentucky where there is one of the best skate parks I have ever been to or seen, can´t wait.

What did you do and what were the things you most missed while you weren't in a band?

When I wasn´t in a band I tried my hardest to get a normal job and be happy making money and being bored. It´s hard to not have anything to look forward too. When I was working 50 + hours a week and making good money I still didn´t have anything to keep me going. Now I can look forward to playing shows or going on tours or just writing and recording songs. It keeps me creative all the time and I missed that a lot when I wasn´t in a band. I even jumped in with friends bands just so I could travel but it´s a lot more fun actually playing shows.

How important for you to be in a band? In point of you have to put on shelf sometimes even give up lots of other things what ordinary people would find important in life or goals to achieve.

It´s definitely hard to be as old as I am and to have no money saved up but I have seen and done a lot of things I would have never seen by being in a band. You meet people all over the world and some are the best people you will ever meet and some of them are the worst you will ever meet. I would have never seen Europe and the US like I have. Even if I went on my own it wouldn´t be the same as being with a band. I think that to most people money and material things mean the most so they have something to show for their work. I have good memories and no money. It´s still worth it.

I've read an interview with you in the reflections 'zine couple years ago where you said you don't want to be a singer who lives from his ex-bands, and in music you respect dudes who like to move forward do different things and then retire. was it important for you that cloak / dagger plays much different music than count me out did? how far would you go with experimenting new things in playing music? And when would you retire?

I think that cloak/dagger is going to be it for me music wise. I was really proud of what CMO did as a band and I wouldn´t want to try to recreate what we did before since it wouldn´t be as sincere as it was when I was in that band. I am proud of the lyrics and songs this band has and we have some songs on the punk/core side of things and some on the rock side and I see this band as way more experimental then a standard punk or core band. I don´t have any interest in trying to be in an indie rock band or start rapping yet. When this band breaks up I will just do karaoke. We tried to stay away from ex-members promo when this band came out and it made things harder for us at first but now I´m glad we didn´t hype that up.

That is a long list of your ex bands but in most of them two or three of you played with each other. So when should a band broke up if the members are still friends and like to hang with each other?

That´s a hard thing to say but you know when the time is right. With CMO we were all good friends and loved hanging out but Pete and Colin wanted to start writing for Renee Heartfelt and you could tell that´s where all their energy was going. Garth was gone a lot with Strike Anywhere and Colin was gone with AN a lot so it just seemed like the right thing to do to end things on a high note. With Cloak I want to call it quits when it stops being fun or when we start writing bad songs.

It's in Our Band Could Be Your Life that Deep Wound broke up after all of them lost their virginitis. Is there any sexual act what could trigger such schocking change in the life of Cloak / Dagger?

If we were to all sleep with each other that would just make things awkward at practice but we all have girlfriends.

You're from Richmond and if my geographic skills don't cheat me it's on the east coast. but in your lyrics you're refering often to the west coast (LA, Hollywood). why is it? Is it conscious? For an outsider of american politics like me it looks like the east controls politics (Washington DC), economy(New York), etc and the west is responsible for the media. You're more pissed about the brainwashing what comes from the tv more than about what comes from the white house or i just overthought this and it's simply a rivary between the two coasts like in hip hop?

When I was writing for We Are I was really into how much the media effects what people think. People try to recreate the lives of famous people and live like they are in a movie and that´s all from California mostly. That´s where all the famous people live and they report all the entertainment news from. Anna Nicole Smith died and it was on CNN all day long and every other news channel and there´s a lot more important things going on. DC has a lot of politics going on that I don´t agree with that I´m not smart enough to address so I sometimes touch on it if I feel that I can back up what I´m saying. I watched a lot of TV so I know a lot about that brain washing. East Coast rap is so much better then West Coast. The Notorious movie is so much better than 2 Pacs. His sucked.

For me cloak/dagger seems to wraped around with sarcasm. but also dealing with more serious issues than most of your previous bands. Why is it that you became more serious but also more fun?

It´s true. When we started this band I always said I would want to keep it fun. I loved CMO but it was a very serious band and hard emotionally to sing some of those songs. Now I can be serious but be sarcastic at the same time to make a point. Live shows can be a lot of fun with this band and I think part of that is the lyrics are fun at times.

Most of the lyrics seem to me as they born in a period or in state of mind when you become old enough that you have to start to fit in with your punk attitude to the world of grown ups. But it’s more usual that you start giving up the attitude you’ve formed during most of your life rather than caring less about what to do in the real life. And thats when i fill the power of your lyrics. The hessitating between what should us do, which way will worth it more?
So the questions are. What does to be a grown up mean to you. Does it go along with giving up something and does punk equal youth?

It´s hard growing up and there´s young until I die and other songs that make you feel proud to be young and core but not many songs that tell you how hard it is to grow up and be punk or it´s alright not to believe in buying into the American dream when you are old so that´s where we come in. I definitely think that hardcore and punk is a youth thing but that it´s also an all ages type of thing to. It´s hard sometimes to watch someone who hasn´t experienced life as much say they will never do this or that. I have a lot of respect for people who still believe in the power of this music but are older.

Is there any agreement within the members what cloak / dagger should be about? Or do you have a collective attitude, principles like Black Flag had the „play as much and as hard as we can” thing?

Operation shock and awe!

Lots of people talking about this theory that due to the economic meltdown music will be more interesting again. And i also think it’s true cause if the circumstances are worse people get more inspired. Even though it’s kinda sad and lame as well that people need an economic meltdown to be interesting or have something real to say. What’s your opinion about this?

I think that things are really bad here right now. I´m trying to find a job and it´s near impossible and that anger is going to come through in a lot of music. They are also saying that the crime rate is going to jump up since everyone is poor so it could get bad.

What features make a band to a really good band?

I think good bands don´t try to stick to a formula and play with good intentions. People that are in bands to make money and think they are going to have a career are very easy to see and honest bands are just as easy to point out. It also helps when bands are in tune.

While technology is improving independent bands have more and more opportunity. but punk rock still has it's traditions heavly rooted in old fashioned things like fanzines, demo tapes, vinly. These things are better than a blog or an ipod it’s beyond question but with social networking sites more bands have the opportunity to tour and with file sharing sites it’s getting easier to show the world what you’re doing. So are you pro or against this process? what do you think in what point should technology stop in punk?

I think that right now it´s as far as it should go. It´s great to be able to e-mail a band directly you like to try to play shows or to get to hear you. At the same time there are so many bad bands going on tour and promoting their music that the good ones get over looked.

Also with this easiness punk rock lost it's risk and it's such romantic feeling. In your mind is it bad? Should we miss the risk?

It is a bad thing when I can go to a blog and download 20 bands and then listen to just 1 or 2 of them. I think that with everything so easy to come by people don´t appreciate music as much. It used to be really hard to find records or tapes of bands you liked. I think people take that for granted these days and that is definitely a bad thing.

Have any of you dated close-to-be famous models since pitchfork gave a positive review to your record?

Our guitar player Collin went on a date with some coc heads in bright colored shirts after that. I´m too hardcore but he´s pretty.

Csongrád and Szentes are two cities here in hungary. But their hardcore scenes are not supporting each other. What would be your suggestion? John Joseph adviced unity and Mike from Fucked Up suggested war but neither of their messages worked out. So what is your?

Virginia Beach is about 2 hours from Richmond and there was a lot of fights between the two cities years ago. Big fights, people chased around the city by 20 to 30 kids. People hit with pitchers of beer. Then after a while people moved here from there and everyone became friends and everything was cool. After that everyone joined forces and started fighting with jocks. I would go with that. Fight to unite.

Whats your favorite dinosaur?

Dinosaur Jr.

my glorious 15 minutes

2009-03-01T00:48:00.004+01:00

Background infos: the first time i’ve been on fucked up’s blog i read a really horrible but entertaining interview made by a russian guy. A year and some months latter i decided on a hot summer day during a boring bus trip home from a faild exam i’m gonna be even dumber than that dude and send these weirdly stupid questions to the band. The concept (in case you want one) was that I the biggest noone will make an interview with one of the most hyped contemporary punk band. It kinda shocked me how easily i could come up with stupid questions. Maybe it’s the heritage of the fact that i’ve been grown up on hungarian fanzines full with midless interviews. Anyway Mike was cool enough to answer them but suspicious to think i’m not a real person. Well i am. I’m registered in web.2 pages and stuff. I’m kinda sad i missed their show in Wien. Heard it was great.

i sent him this:

hi i'm Viktor from Hungary. it's a very exocit place and smart people says cause of the global warming bears will run away so it's gonna be safe as well. you should play here sometime. anyway music here is not really popular we do punk as burning things. but i'm fighting against this trend so i made a fanzine whatdeals with music but sometimes i turn it to a tit parade just for make more readers. i have a girlfriend too who always wears your shirt and she said you're really great. but she seems to try to get rid of me so to win her heart back i figured out i'll make an interview with you. hope you're into interviews.i don't wanna bother you with further e-mails so if you think i would/should/could question back just write a why? like i would/should/could write and then continue aswering it.Thanks!

So is Fucked Up really fucked up?

Great question, you are off to a fantastic start.

You have this name and it makes expectations from the crowd. I mean if saw a band named Fucked Up not doing fucked up things i would feel mugged and want my money back. is it exhausting to be always fucked up when other people see you?

It is really tough but we are quite famous in America so there are many people who help us to stay fucked up when we make public appearances. We have punk-prep people who gets us ready for photos shoots and concerts by giving us pills and charging our hairs. It is exhausting, but it is my job. I used to work in a lightbulb factory (do you have lightbulbs in Hungary?), and that was really tough, so I would much rather be doing this, plus it pays a lot more money to be drunk in public and playing the guitar.

For the fans could you give me a little bio about a band Ramones?

Well the Ramones were a great band formed in Detroit, America by Andy Warhol and one of the guys from The Dictators. For a while they were the most famous band in the world and had an airplane full of pizza. They once played a show in Rio infront of 500,000 and are all dead now.

What do you think why only the first 3 Ramones album are preatty rad?

End of the Century is also ok, but I guess not pretty rad like you said. Its hard to write more than 75 good songs I guess.

Do you think they really did sniffed glue? it's moldy even here in the third world.

I think they really did. Sniffing glue is very popular still in America, almost more popular than cocaine in some places (Olympia, train tracks) for hip people. The price of glue is very high now so only rich hipsters can afford to sniff it here.

One of you names is Concentration Camp. Do you know in europe these were bad places run by Germans? Lots of Jews and fucking gypses died there. Do you think the world would be a funnier place if those jew haven't died there? I mean Mel Brooks is funny. But what about dozen Mel Brooks? Man that would be so much funcing hilarious.

You raise some interesting points here. Did you see that movie "Life is Beautiful"? It was a documentary made about the life of an Italian clown who was put in a concentration camp in Italy during World War Two. He was able to maintain his comedy while in the camp by working in the Kapos doing standup routines for the guards. He died while inside after being eaten by a grizzly bear, but his small son survived and became the first Jewish comedian allowed to perform in Italy after the war. Very touching and hilarious documentary.Concentration Camp recently change his name to Gulag, for those who haven't being paying attention. He is Jewish, but got the name from summer camps his serious parents made him to go where he studied math and cyphers and worked on his massive IQ - kids used to tease him in school because they would go to soccer camp and become strong, while he just went to math and thinking camps and was always really small as a child and now as a man, so his nicknick name became Concentration Camp.

Are you punks? Your music is is simple but you don't wear mohawks? What's the deal with that?

Well yes it is very complicated, but we are punks and do not wear mohawks. In the western world there are many types of punks and corresponding fashions as you go up the scale:(in order of importance)
1) Gutter Punks: Can't afford to make mohakws so they have natty dreads and live on moving trains and also in "gutters".
2) Whacktivists: Are "punks" but don't listen to music - are more interested in making politics. Have punk style but listen to Indigo Girls and Ratatat.
3) Skinheads: The racist kind - are fat and wear Lonsdale clothes from outlet malls and have short girlfriends. Listen to obscure UK and Canadian racist OI music on CDRs
3) Posers: Listen to punk music like the Sex Pistols but also Rage Against the Machine. Are mostly in highschool. They wear punk/goth clothing like leather jackets (new only) but also black bell bottom jeans and wierd shaped sunglasses
4) Old Punks: Wear 20 year old tshirts because they spent all their money on records and have no jobs so they can't afford to look sharp. Have strange jobs and did zines a long time ago. Have grey hair and/or are balding and make everyone else feel depressed at shows and worried that they are looking at their own future.
5) Hardcore Punks: Wear only band tshirts and cut off shorts. Very short cropped hair. Super clean and carry deodorant in a bag with them.
6) Hipster Hardcore Punks: Like above, but also wear "limited" baseball caps, xxxlarge tshirts and "limited" shows. Only listen to Lil' Wayne and some modern Hardcore bands.
7) Indie Punks: Wear grunge clothes, but a little tighter. Move very slowly and smoke lots of weed and are super "Creative". Also ride bikes everywhere.
8) Punks: Who knows what they look like, or who they are.
9) Hipster punks: Like mostly dance music like Uffie and Daft Punk, but also some punk bands that are amazing (Fucked Up) and are able to transcend boundaries. Wear mostly clothes from American Apparel, and also only work at American Apparel, or Vice Magazine (interning only)10) Fucked Up: Wear only free Fred Perry, Evisu, Burberry, Ben Sherman, and G9 Harrington Jackets, and other selected vintage styles.

I saw some movies about punks like mad max 2, death wih, robo cop. Things over there seems so fucked up (haha it funny i wrote this experssion but it was not in purpose just became funny) Is it the same in Canada? I mean do punks there hate cops and angry all the time?

Yes its the same as in those movies but different depending on what part of the country you are in. Also there are no robo-punks yet. But you have to remember those movies are about the 80s - back then "punks" was also just cretins and homeless people, like when Robocop is saying "get out of here punks" he isn't talking to Discharge fans, he is talking to homeless people that are breaking the laws of homelessness. I haven't seen Deathwish, but i'm sure its the same vibe. Also "They Live".

Are you afraid of spontaneous human combustion?

Sometimes - i just got a new pair of Clarks shoes (the most expensive shoes in America) and they have metal on them, but a thick rubber sole - while we were recording the new Fucked Up album i would go from the couch across the hardwood floor and have to open the metal/glass sliding door to get into the recording booth, and every time I did that i would get a shock. After I was recording guitar overdubs for about 5 hours and kept giving myself shocks I accidentally touched one of the hard drives and erased what we had done that day somehow. We had to cancel the session and the hard drive cost about $400 to repair. I have never exploded or combusted or caught on fire, but i think it is obvious that there is a lot of potential energy saved up inside my body for if I ever needed it to blow up a bridge or something.

I heard a dude from my hood when he gets a new motor bike he stuffs the tail-pipe with wet tissues and fucks the motor. Did you ever did things like that with something what were important to you? I think it's really a cool thing. In the modern world nothing really has an value. We buy we use we throw away. But this dude really gives respect for his stuffs. What do you think abaout that?

Again you bring up very important points, and also I've heard of someone doing that with a bag of mayonnaise. These questions make your life seem very different from mine - do you live in a Hungarian refugee camp or something?

Did you see my mother's uncel? my grandma said he lives in canada but i think he is just a polish.

Good question - is he lost?

Is feist a real person or it's just Chan Marshall singing in canadian?

She is real - we have met her. She used to crash at our roadies apartment before she was famous. She was also in a punk band (see above, number 7). We are on the same label as Chan Marshall but the boss said we are not allowed to ever meet her because she is crazy.

Did you see kinkg kong? It's fucking awesome man, but do they think we're mentally disadvantaged and we'll believe the a t-rex couldn't destroy a monkey?

I did see it. THe monkey won because he had more intelligence than the dinosaur and was able to control it. by using technology. You thought it was awesome?

anyway what is your favorite dinosaur?
(i never got an answer for this)

thanks for answering. i'll translate it to hungarian and send it back to you.

then he wrote back this: "haha this is great. i will def answer it. send more questions"

my turn was: Man, i’m pleasured you liked my questions. I already imagined my gf’s face when she’ll hear all the inside infos you’ll add to my knowledge. I’m sensing another future begging for abortion. You asked so i figured out some more questions. I don’t know if these have the same quality but i had to hurry cause my whole block of flats has only one computer and the owner of it will go on holiday tomorrow so no Internet till he comes back. Anyways i’m more prepared cause my lady played me some of your songs.

So we listened to hidden world it’s not short. Isn’t the crowd pissed that you only play 3 songs? An old punker said if you play more than 20 minutes you’ll transform into a prog rock or even worse a jazz band. Is that true? Have you ever tried to play more? Aren’t you affriad that you’ll have a neon halo/banda like dire straits? That looks dangerous. I think mark knoppfer wears a bandana still becasue that halo marked his forehead.

We did transform into a prog rock band. We can play usually for about an hour and a half to two hours, we extend the versions of our songs from the album.

Arent your trumpet player bored of live shows? I mean he or she doesn’t have too much to do? What could he or she do on stage while he or she is not playing? I heard about a hungarian band that had a keyboard player who had dinner on his keyboards during the shows because he didn’t have too much parts to play in songs. But they kicked him out cause it was a joy division-esque band and the other members didn’t find eating a truly sad thing. What do you think abaout that?

Ha we don't have a trumpet player. We once played a show in Bratislava where they had hired an orchestra for us to play with because union scale is so cheap there for us because of the exchange rate, so for that show we did have a trumpet player, and when there were no trumpet parts I have no idea what that person did, I wasn't paying attention because I mostly have to play extremely difficult guitar solos throughout the entire set. We all have video games and laptops though that we can use when we aren't playing parts on stage.

David Choe (the yellow hitchiker) used your songs for his travelling. But he had an episode which told canada sucks and all canadians could eat his poop and he wished that all you’re kids will be retarded enough to want to have sex with their moms even after age 21. so using your songs was just an ironical joke or what? Are you pissed? What do you think abaout that?

We are not pissed because David Choe works for a very rich company called VBS, which is the main television station in America (television is like radio except with pictures) and we got paid many thousands of dollars for the use of that song. It is fairly well known that we will do or say anything if the price is right.

I also heard you’re christmas ep. I have some questions about that:

A/1 how does Nelly Furtado smell?

She did her vocal track for that session in an isolation booth and came too and from the studio in an airplane, and a limo dropped her right into the booth. So we could see her and give her instructions, but we could not smell her or really talk to her, only through a microphone.

A/2 does she snort cocain? She looks like she not but i have this idea that stars are taking all kind of drugs and drinks behind the cameras and papers just because it’s so evil to con their catholic fans. I mean i bet homer simpson is a drunk child beater when the cameras don’t roll.

Again, we don't know, but I could ask her next time I see her.

B, is that true that James Murphy listened to that much music that he gained some kind of spiritual aura which is a permanent soundtrack for his life? Like the situation with will ferrell and that british lesbian lady but for Murphy it could be heared by anyone else? And is that true as well that he used no effect for his voice on his records?

James Murphy apparently was very mad at us after he found out the song was going to be released on a record, because we had told people we were just recording messages for our friends in the hospital, from their favorite bands. I think he uses an affect on LCD Soundsystem records that make his lyrics sound 25 years younger.

C, for collaborating with the singer of AFI. Did you have to get permission from Tim Burton? Isn’t Havoc jewish? Or was it a joke that he wished marry christmas?

I don't think he is Jewish, but in American most Jews celebrate christmas and also the other one.

You played some shows with hard skins. Did you talked with them? i always wondered do skinheads watch the tv series Friends? Who is their favorite? I bet not Ross or Monica because they are jews. And rachel and Chandler also out of the bill cause they married/fucked with ross and monica. I guess they like Joey cause he is italian like Mussolini. Do you have any concrete infos?

This is an answer from Fat Bob:"wow ...what a question - tell him hard skin are too busy to answer questions because we are too busy playing darts, drinking beer and making sweet music with all women of the world - no matter of colour, class or creed..... "

One last question cause i have to hurry to get to the computer owner’s flat. Csongrád and Szentes are two cities here in hungary. But their hardcore scene’s are not supporting each other. What would be your suggestion? John Joseph played here with FVK and after the show he got asked about this same problem. He adviced Unity but this message haven’t worked out. So what is your suggestion? What do you think abaout that?

I mean I think that those two countries should go to war. DId you know that when John Josephs was growing up in a foster home that when he could get cheese sandwiches his older brothers and foster parents would steal the cheese out of his sandwiches and he would only have the bread to eat, and also the same with oreo cookies but with the middle taken out. I can imagine that this is what life must be like in Hungary so maybe his advice would be useful?

We do punk as burning things

2008-10-28T15:18:00.001+01:00

Spencer (a friend of mine, shitworker for MRR and also an ex-/present/future member of half dozen awesome bands) mentioned once that maybe I should try to write something like a column. So here we are, I give it a try. For those who don’t know him he is really a good guy, as a surfer would say „a sweet dude”, but i think he has some sort of brain disorders. He spent more than a year here on purpose. Here in hungary. On purpose. I only like writers who i could envy. I mean their world, their past, their writing technic, etc. I can easily envy Spencer only by reading the list of shows he attended in the last month. His e-mails can make me more depressed than the revelation that Micheal Moore is only an annoying guy who makes questionable propaganda movies would make an unconscious wannabe liberal. Or maybe I’m the one who has brain disorders 'cause when I say I don’t know why he stayed here for such a long time I think of it only „punk-wise”. And for me - sadly or not - that’s what really matters.
In college I had a „History of the 20th century” exam. The professor didn’t want to be too merciless so he asked easy questions like in which period of the examined century and where we would like to live. A girl before me said in Switzerland cause it always was a war free country, it was economically stable etc. My answer was in ’82 Washington DC. The professor thought i wanted to talk about the Reagan era, that part of cold war and whatever happened back then. But my only clear and also divine cause was to see Bad Brains in a filthy basement and hear the amazing intro riffs of F.V.K. live and let it bang my inner organs. I failed the exam but I was proud of myself cause I had the guts to say it. I like to lie and I do it a lot even when it has no advantages. Maybe to make this all a bit more liveable. At that specific time I felt like having this as my heroic moment when I only could tell nothing but the truth. It proved I’m a music-buff more than just a student or a reliable part of today’s society. I think this is one of the things what all the „i don’t wanna grow up / young till i die” movement is all about and was built up on. It's the skill to be an outspoken, passionate fan of little but precious things even when it’s just a Sunday afternoon telephone conversation. It's in little things like being obsessed with a band from the beginning of the 80’s with less than 15 devoted followers or a 20 minutes gig on a weekday at another town (for us another country). I may have been hating most of myself since I gained some consciousness and became old enough for being sorry for my younger mistakes, but I always liked that I could be more passionate about bands / movies / books than like anything else. Some people like dogs more than other people i’m the same with my turntable. Once I read something where a girl mentioned she likes music that could make young people feel to be related to something or somewhere. I think this is one of the reasons I got deeply into music. I guess in big terms it would be similar to religion, but listening to music contains rules only made by yourself and by rationality. It is not rational to not like bands like Black Flag.
I think punk rock is a genre that played by rational people who really live by their attitudes and the music is just pure, short, without any bullshit, and has anger. I love the connotative: teen-angst. It’s sad that Hungarians have tons of curse words but not a cool expression as the previously mentioned. Anyway, for me the plus in punk rock is the anger. If I looked for big messages I’d read Chomsky or any other author who’s name ends with ’sky. To be honest, I became a professed atheist not because of listening to Propagandhi but because of listening to comedians like David Cross or middle aged Woody Allen. I guess it would be foolish to keep important messages within the walls of small basements. I’m telling this even though punk rock really made my life. Yeah, mostly because I didn’t have any spare time to listen to the whole reason why should I hate jews or care about someone’s sexual interest when i was so busy with checking out the family trees of my favorite bands. I’m not utopistic or blind. I could have got the same ideas from million other places but for me it happened to come from 3 chords songs. I feel lucky 'cause I think punk has never spoken to the majority because of the anger behind these simple ideas. For the majority anger is not always easy to digest. My mother told me that I was this cynical and in your face already when I was a little kid but with this qualities I could’ve gone with Wagner as well. So I give all credits to the luck that I've had the stomach. I was even more lucky after that because I got something more. I felt some kind of relation when I just realized: you don’t have to know anything in English to be concerned about what the Adverts sang for you and the noise in Void songs came from the same depths where all your shit is rooted. And you’ll understand if you see them why Sex Pistols is just a boring, or to even worse, a professional rock band in 2008. No beef about reunions and money, but I don’t think that they still have the passion. As an old punker said: „the lack of knowing how to play your instrument could be compensated by enthusiasm”. Have you ever tried to cover a Minor Threat song or What Do I Want from Hüsker Dü? Those songs do not have a well defined structure. Those were written by enthusiasm. Members thought it sounded cool so they kept it that way. I like this idea. It’s so bizarre when a band writes a song in rehearsal rooms in a way that they play a random part just 2 times instead of 4 because the crowd might get bored. I’m not a fan of No Wave but I like bands who don’t give a shit or sometimes do but only to piss off the audience. Somehow I like it when thoughts like these are floating around inside my head. Useless in the real world, but as the Urinals sang: real life doesn’t mean much to me.

This is what the scene lacks today. Since the Internet and Soulseek you can download songs from every band that matters or just accidentally made a one chord wonder. For most people these songs transform into simple files on their hard drives, like „i’m gonna check it on Saturday”. And on those Saturdays these songs transform further into those three other random bands not being alone in the world, or an endless nightmare with incensed monkeys chasing you. Ok I’m not that optimistic to think millions have the Even Worse discography on their iPods and they just don’t give a shit. I live in a country where you could easily become an elitist asshole if you listen to more than six records a day and up to places for friends not that huge amount of people are listening to good music world widely. But already lot of them do and it makes me think sometimes. Why should I care or why does it matter to me? Even if it’s only a little piece of thought, it is still here. I think one of the coolest things in punk rock is/was the secret factor. The secret society which is disappearing now. I remember in high school one of my classmates found my walkman on my table and took a listen. It was Sebadoh’s Smash Your Head on the Punk Rock album and that song which is only noise. After that moment she always looked at me a bit different. She didn’t really understand it. That song was more inexplicable to her than our other classmate’s self cutting habits to deal with the World’s joke. She didn’t understand it because she was normal. I won’t say she didn’t have any problems back then but she never was an outsider. Or more specificly she never wanted to be one. The only thing I liked in her scared and heartbreaking glance was the certainity that I’m fucked up majorly. While she heard that truly terrible noise she saw my past and also previsioned my future. No big things like predictions about breaking down, early suicide, life long solitude. She just faced the way what I was and am still on. When you’re young you always told that whatever you do it will pass soon. But her eyes told me „you have to be deeply into something to find this such unlistenable song enjoyable”. And here I am, through the most impressionable period and still thinking of such things like „Could someone still be a punk on an empty island?” and hate myself of being late on bands like Major Conflict, The Kids, M.I.A. .
What about today? She could easily identify that it’s indie/noise rock what I have in my walkman and would only consider it as a phase that will pass soon when another hyped thing will come around. Back then I was regularly insulted about how could I label myself as a punk if I wore ordinary clothes and no longer had a mohawk. Now it wouldn’t be a problem. Neither do if anyone would listen to punk rock just because. Don’t get me wrong i’m not saying only punks could listen to punk rock. I find it even cooler when a non punk has some minor crush on punk bands. I’m saying listening to something only counts if you’re a fan and do it with…um, fuck that i’ll be cliche…with heart. I always loved the trivia that John Peel never talked right after he played the song Teenage Kicks because he was always crying. Imagine a man in his early 60’s struggling with his tears while listening to a 30 year old silly song he already heard million times before. This is what staying young means to me. And this is when commitment is just a simple part of your nature and needs no strain. I lost my virginity in a self made Chronic Sick shirt and for me the shirt makes it so different. I guess from 20 years now I’ll will only remember that piece of cloth. I never liked new people but I could feel confident around a bunch of German punkers after 5 minutes while we discussed how cool Ebulliton rec is and which reunions are OK.
I miss these things. I don’t say punk, hardcore or whatever you call it died. It just cannot. Could a president, a country or an economical period be more influentable than that girl, loveless teenage years, ignorant uncles, solitude, not knowing what to do with your life, lust, boring schools, shitty jobs, crowded public transportation vehicles? No. If it’s not a World war or some Third World regime we just shouldn’t care that much as long as we are not fully confident with our own shit. Even my parents cared much more about their own happiness than about the Soviet Union. And it’s not ignoring the problem. With this the World could be a better place. Really. Whenever you take your bike instead of your car to have fun you just make oil irrelevant at the same time. It’s living for the inside. „Real” punk became smaller than it was in the beginning. If you ask me i think it just became cooler since it got down from the covers of NME and just went back into the basements. It’s funny how huge things disappear sometimes. Like the fanatism around the Beatles, grunge, glam rock and Michael Jackson. Maybe boy bands were the last moment I saw young girls collapsing while screaming. Even though tons of ex-members parrot that punk rock is dead, just take a look at all the diy shows, the record collectors, fanzine writers or whoever travels hours / days for shows. Of course, we still got shitloads of cool bands from all over the world, but somehow the enthusiasm is became an unique thing. For bands, touring is so easy since the Internet, Soulseek and Myspace and if you’re a bored teenager and want to see the World for almost free you just have to form a band. Maybe you’re going to starve a little because promoters only give dinner and breakfast and you’ll have to sleep on cold floors but it’s still better than backpack tourism. I wish that bands who come here are not only here for a year long vacation but for they need to play their songs everyday to someone who are just like them. Unfortunately, most of the times I don’t feel that. Got those weird assholes from old Black Flag, Fugazi videos who were attacking the bands and it seemed that they just don’t get it? You don’t really understand why are they at the show or why don’t they see what the band says. A bad experience could make songs unlistenable to me even if I liked them previously. If I had a beef with a member of a band I might quit going to shows. Any of them. And today sometimes I feel like I’m the band and the band who’s playing is the one stupid chap from the crowd who mindlessly waving his plastic glass of beer into my face.
So to make it a full circle i’m going to explain you why i mentioned Spencer was wasting his „punk time” in Hungary. I’m not like those who hate where they live. I hate the World and my location has nothing special to do with it. Maybe I could and would relocate myself and be a perfect example of that Antidote song. Or be a bohemian dude who only cares about inspiration and goes wherever he finds it. Wait a minute, I just wrote this all mostly to prove that the potential for punk is everywhere. I hope this was true and it’s only hard to happen but not impossible. So maybe i’m gonna stay here. I have a diploma what others would say pays good everywhere but I would rather stay in my room and starve if I only have to write. Hungary is not that bad to live. Moreover, it’s so easy to become a punk if you were born and stayed here. It’ll became depressing if you want to see good bands or attend in basement shows or if you just wish that the scene would have some sense of humor or creativity...or if you want cheap but good burritos. That’s why it’s not highly recomended for lovers of punk.
One last and brief story before I close this. Once I was in a recording studio with my band and we ran into an old band’s member. When they play abroad they label themselves as the only punk band from Hungary. Yeah they really do even if they have a right wing guy who writes their lyrics and they suck majorly. So this old band member asked us what are our band's influences, what are we listening to? We said usual bands like the Bad Brains. His eyes started sparking. He got closer to us and said it confidentally: „Did you know the singer of the Bad Brains is black?”. That’s why I say here we do punk as burning things, because if he is in a band just imagine those who listen to and believe the borrowed words he’s singing. All of these guys could be replaced with punks from deathwish, mad max or robo cop and no one would notice it. So if I ever move I'm only going to do it for bands. Or for other people who already moved and this country is meaningless without them. And maybe for being up to date with my tv series a few hours earlier.... but it would be better if bands with members like us would come here more often. So please!