We do punk as burning things

Spencer (a friend of mine, shitworker for MRR and also an ex-/present/future member of half dozen awesome bands) mentioned once that maybe I should try to write something like a column. So here we are, I give it a try. For those who don’t know him he is really a good guy, as a surfer would say „a sweet dude”, but i think he has some sort of brain disorders. He spent more than a year here on purpose. Here in hungary. On purpose. I only like writers who i could envy. I mean their world, their past, their writing technic, etc. I can easily envy Spencer only by reading the list of shows he attended in the last month. His e-mails can make me more depressed than the revelation that Micheal Moore is only an annoying guy who makes questionable propaganda movies would make an unconscious wannabe liberal. Or maybe I’m the one who has brain disorders 'cause when I say I don’t know why he stayed here for such a long time I think of it only „punk-wise”. And for me - sadly or not - that’s what really matters.
In college I had a „History of the 20th century” exam. The professor didn’t want to be too merciless so he asked easy questions like in which period of the examined century and where we would like to live. A girl before me said in Switzerland cause it always was a war free country, it was economically stable etc. My answer was in ’82 Washington DC. The professor thought i wanted to talk about the Reagan era, that part of cold war and whatever happened back then. But my only clear and also divine cause was to see Bad Brains in a filthy basement and hear the amazing intro riffs of F.V.K. live and let it bang my inner organs. I failed the exam but I was proud of myself cause I had the guts to say it. I like to lie and I do it a lot even when it has no advantages. Maybe to make this all a bit more liveable. At that specific time I felt like having this as my heroic moment when I only could tell nothing but the truth. It proved I’m a music-buff more than just a student or a reliable part of today’s society. I think this is one of the things what all the „i don’t wanna grow up / young till i die” movement is all about and was built up on. It's the skill to be an outspoken, passionate fan of little but precious things even when it’s just a Sunday afternoon telephone conversation. It's in little things like being obsessed with a band from the beginning of the 80’s with less than 15 devoted followers or a 20 minutes gig on a weekday at another town (for us another country). I may have been hating most of myself since I gained some consciousness and became old enough for being sorry for my younger mistakes, but I always liked that I could be more passionate about bands / movies / books than like anything else. Some people like dogs more than other people i’m the same with my turntable. Once I read something where a girl mentioned she likes music that could make young people feel to be related to something or somewhere. I think this is one of the reasons I got deeply into music. I guess in big terms it would be similar to religion, but listening to music contains rules only made by yourself and by rationality. It is not rational to not like bands like Black Flag.
I think punk rock is a genre that played by rational people who really live by their attitudes and the music is just pure, short, without any bullshit, and has anger. I love the connotative: teen-angst. It’s sad that Hungarians have tons of curse words but not a cool expression as the previously mentioned. Anyway, for me the plus in punk rock is the anger. If I looked for big messages I’d read Chomsky or any other author who’s name ends with ’sky. To be honest, I became a professed atheist not because of listening to Propagandhi but because of listening to comedians like David Cross or middle aged Woody Allen. I guess it would be foolish to keep important messages within the walls of small basements. I’m telling this even though punk rock really made my life. Yeah, mostly because I didn’t have any spare time to listen to the whole reason why should I hate jews or care about someone’s sexual interest when i was so busy with checking out the family trees of my favorite bands. I’m not utopistic or blind. I could have got the same ideas from million other places but for me it happened to come from 3 chords songs. I feel lucky 'cause I think punk has never spoken to the majority because of the anger behind these simple ideas. For the majority anger is not always easy to digest. My mother told me that I was this cynical and in your face already when I was a little kid but with this qualities I could’ve gone with Wagner as well. So I give all credits to the luck that I've had the stomach. I was even more lucky after that because I got something more. I felt some kind of relation when I just realized: you don’t have to know anything in English to be concerned about what the Adverts sang for you and the noise in Void songs came from the same depths where all your shit is rooted. And you’ll understand if you see them why Sex Pistols is just a boring, or to even worse, a professional rock band in 2008. No beef about reunions and money, but I don’t think that they still have the passion. As an old punker said: „the lack of knowing how to play your instrument could be compensated by enthusiasm”. Have you ever tried to cover a Minor Threat song or What Do I Want from Hüsker Dü? Those songs do not have a well defined structure. Those were written by enthusiasm. Members thought it sounded cool so they kept it that way. I like this idea. It’s so bizarre when a band writes a song in rehearsal rooms in a way that they play a random part just 2 times instead of 4 because the crowd might get bored. I’m not a fan of No Wave but I like bands who don’t give a shit or sometimes do but only to piss off the audience. Somehow I like it when thoughts like these are floating around inside my head. Useless in the real world, but as the Urinals sang: real life doesn’t mean much to me.

This is what the scene lacks today. Since the Internet and Soulseek you can download songs from every band that matters or just accidentally made a one chord wonder. For most people these songs transform into simple files on their hard drives, like „i’m gonna check it on Saturday”. And on those Saturdays these songs transform further into those three other random bands not being alone in the world, or an endless nightmare with incensed monkeys chasing you. Ok I’m not that optimistic to think millions have the Even Worse discography on their iPods and they just don’t give a shit. I live in a country where you could easily become an elitist asshole if you listen to more than six records a day and up to places for friends not that huge amount of people are listening to good music world widely. But already lot of them do and it makes me think sometimes. Why should I care or why does it matter to me? Even if it’s only a little piece of thought, it is still here. I think one of the coolest things in punk rock is/was the secret factor. The secret society which is disappearing now. I remember in high school one of my classmates found my walkman on my table and took a listen. It was Sebadoh’s Smash Your Head on the Punk Rock album and that song which is only noise. After that moment she always looked at me a bit different. She didn’t really understand it. That song was more inexplicable to her than our other classmate’s self cutting habits to deal with the World’s joke. She didn’t understand it because she was normal. I won’t say she didn’t have any problems back then but she never was an outsider. Or more specificly she never wanted to be one. The only thing I liked in her scared and heartbreaking glance was the certainity that I’m fucked up majorly. While she heard that truly terrible noise she saw my past and also previsioned my future. No big things like predictions about breaking down, early suicide, life long solitude. She just faced the way what I was and am still on. When you’re young you always told that whatever you do it will pass soon. But her eyes told me „you have to be deeply into something to find this such unlistenable song enjoyable”. And here I am, through the most impressionable period and still thinking of such things like „Could someone still be a punk on an empty island?” and hate myself of being late on bands like Major Conflict, The Kids, M.I.A. .
What about today? She could easily identify that it’s indie/noise rock what I have in my walkman and would only consider it as a phase that will pass soon when another hyped thing will come around. Back then I was regularly insulted about how could I label myself as a punk if I wore ordinary clothes and no longer had a mohawk. Now it wouldn’t be a problem. Neither do if anyone would listen to punk rock just because. Don’t get me wrong i’m not saying only punks could listen to punk rock. I find it even cooler when a non punk has some minor crush on punk bands. I’m saying listening to something only counts if you’re a fan and do it with…um, fuck that i’ll be cliche…with heart. I always loved the trivia that John Peel never talked right after he played the song Teenage Kicks because he was always crying. Imagine a man in his early 60’s struggling with his tears while listening to a 30 year old silly song he already heard million times before. This is what staying young means to me. And this is when commitment is just a simple part of your nature and needs no strain. I lost my virginity in a self made Chronic Sick shirt and for me the shirt makes it so different. I guess from 20 years now I’ll will only remember that piece of cloth. I never liked new people but I could feel confident around a bunch of German punkers after 5 minutes while we discussed how cool Ebulliton rec is and which reunions are OK.
I miss these things. I don’t say punk, hardcore or whatever you call it died. It just cannot. Could a president, a country or an economical period be more influentable than that girl, loveless teenage years, ignorant uncles, solitude, not knowing what to do with your life, lust, boring schools, shitty jobs, crowded public transportation vehicles? No. If it’s not a World war or some Third World regime we just shouldn’t care that much as long as we are not fully confident with our own shit. Even my parents cared much more about their own happiness than about the Soviet Union. And it’s not ignoring the problem. With this the World could be a better place. Really. Whenever you take your bike instead of your car to have fun you just make oil irrelevant at the same time. It’s living for the inside. „Real” punk became smaller than it was in the beginning. If you ask me i think it just became cooler since it got down from the covers of NME and just went back into the basements. It’s funny how huge things disappear sometimes. Like the fanatism around the Beatles, grunge, glam rock and Michael Jackson. Maybe boy bands were the last moment I saw young girls collapsing while screaming. Even though tons of ex-members parrot that punk rock is dead, just take a look at all the diy shows, the record collectors, fanzine writers or whoever travels hours / days for shows. Of course, we still got shitloads of cool bands from all over the world, but somehow the enthusiasm is became an unique thing. For bands, touring is so easy since the Internet, Soulseek and Myspace and if you’re a bored teenager and want to see the World for almost free you just have to form a band. Maybe you’re going to starve a little because promoters only give dinner and breakfast and you’ll have to sleep on cold floors but it’s still better than backpack tourism. I wish that bands who come here are not only here for a year long vacation but for they need to play their songs everyday to someone who are just like them. Unfortunately, most of the times I don’t feel that. Got those weird assholes from old Black Flag, Fugazi videos who were attacking the bands and it seemed that they just don’t get it? You don’t really understand why are they at the show or why don’t they see what the band says. A bad experience could make songs unlistenable to me even if I liked them previously. If I had a beef with a member of a band I might quit going to shows. Any of them. And today sometimes I feel like I’m the band and the band who’s playing is the one stupid chap from the crowd who mindlessly waving his plastic glass of beer into my face.
So to make it a full circle i’m going to explain you why i mentioned Spencer was wasting his „punk time” in Hungary. I’m not like those who hate where they live. I hate the World and my location has nothing special to do with it. Maybe I could and would relocate myself and be a perfect example of that Antidote song. Or be a bohemian dude who only cares about inspiration and goes wherever he finds it. Wait a minute, I just wrote this all mostly to prove that the potential for punk is everywhere. I hope this was true and it’s only hard to happen but not impossible. So maybe i’m gonna stay here. I have a diploma what others would say pays good everywhere but I would rather stay in my room and starve if I only have to write. Hungary is not that bad to live. Moreover, it’s so easy to become a punk if you were born and stayed here. It’ll became depressing if you want to see good bands or attend in basement shows or if you just wish that the scene would have some sense of humor or creativity...or if you want cheap but good burritos. That’s why it’s not highly recomended for lovers of punk.
One last and brief story before I close this. Once I was in a recording studio with my band and we ran into an old band’s member. When they play abroad they label themselves as the only punk band from Hungary. Yeah they really do even if they have a right wing guy who writes their lyrics and they suck majorly. So this old band member asked us what are our band's influences, what are we listening to? We said usual bands like the Bad Brains. His eyes started sparking. He got closer to us and said it confidentally: „Did you know the singer of the Bad Brains is black?”. That’s why I say here we do punk as burning things, because if he is in a band just imagine those who listen to and believe the borrowed words he’s singing. All of these guys could be replaced with punks from deathwish, mad max or robo cop and no one would notice it. So if I ever move I'm only going to do it for bands. Or for other people who already moved and this country is meaningless without them. And maybe for being up to date with my tv series a few hours earlier.... but it would be better if bands with members like us would come here more often. So please!