#367 - kinda

Hi, I'm Viktor i like to think about 10000 things at the same time and be confused and lose my attention over things like pressing the send button. That's why there is no column from me in #367. I wrote it, i have attached it to a mail but forgot to send it and i stayed in my draft map until i have sent my column for #368. But here it is. I will soon update my Hungarian Scene Report and Creem interview/report from #367.

 I had to go to the supermarket to have feeling. All I got was depression but I had my baggy pants on. Zerozero style I wanna piss in the face of the world.

Sometimes when I get really drunk I start to think about the universe. Other times I just ramble my fandom towards John Peel. This only happens once or twice a year but it happens. Then I start to stare on the sky if I’m lucky and could see the stars through the industrial dust that is a polluted curtain above my city. And think about the planet, think about life and everything. It makes no sense since I don’t think life makes any sense. Maybe it’s a joke maybe it’s a problem but not a task, or shouldn't be. Then I start to think about songs what are about space. Not Fury’s Space Love. Even if I should.
Whenever I read about dinosaurs I want to see them, whenever I read about space I want to be there, whenever I read about planets I want to observe them. But I just stay in my room and sometimes wonder out to get drunk and see bands play. My interaction with people are very rare cause I adore them but couldn't bear them. That’s alright I guess. The best thing in humanity is that our brains are sensitive enough that thank to imagination that can be triggered by emotions which are caused by art we can feel that we are floating in space. Sometimes when I’m in a room that are lacking that much stimulus I can start to hallucinate. It happened when I was making out with girls in dark rooms that had nothing but a mattress and a lovely lady who thought I'm good enough to get my tongue licked by her. Music can do the same things to me as literature. Only thing that sucks is I need to see more bands who are this cool. I wanna see how different they are than to how I imagined them and observe what they vision while they are performing their music. It’s a risky game cause lot of times nothing happens.
I was at a Blake Schwarzenbach solo show and I got goose bumps. A bit later he was standing in my kitchen telling me how English rappers are while I was fixing him a scrambled egg for breakfast. He made me imagine outer space experiences while I’m not the biggest Jawbreaker fan.
Last night I went to a show and I felt the space opening in my chest. It wasn't a decent feeling. I’m kinda depressed and confused these days what a surprise I guess exhibiting my life for more than a year now here made you a picture of how everyday life as a Hungarian punk is filled with melancholy. Yesterday bands played good. Or great I don’t know. It’s hard to say something is good when you feel they had spent a huge amount of time writing their music, practicing, and spending money on buying equipment, learn how to use them and still they end up with something I don’t like. I’m the one to blame and my taste in music. I just rather like when there are millions of bands and a few of them don’t suck. I like the humans and failure as I have said it many times. But I feel more and more disconnected with hanging at shows doing those routines with talking about things that could be said in two words. I love to hang and have conversations that are conversations not just people telling their shit and leave you. Stop this pointlessness. I’m going to shows for the punk plus. Because I like to see people presenting their ideas, their lives. I would be there if I didn't know anyone. I’m not in this for the party. Music is for the disconnected, for those who want more even if they have enough. Punk is more than music and either if it’s a threat or a protection it’s connected to some feelings what only those people own who are lacking something or want more. Even though I don’t wanna feel the void I think I want to be punk forever cause I can’t see any other thing to be or do in this life.
The only sense a person could chase through existence is I think to be happy. And music can make you that. Cause it doesn't consume your time. It escorts your moments. It makes them better. It’s just awesome. It’s danger. I like danger. I feel frightened all the time and I fuck up almost everything. I chase some ghost down hills while I’m drunk and I always fall on my face. I hate it but still it’s my life. You think it’s boring? You are right. You think it’s cool? Write jokes. That’s cool this could be done by anyone. 

Music. Nowadays I have found myself fooling around with guitars in my head. Playing music and trying to understand it a bit sometimes are opening my focus on listening to music a bit wider. I don’t mean I care more about techniques and skills. It’s just I listen to the already heard differently or being more open to jam some new shit. I have this thing with kraut rock and new wave nowadays and that mixed with ambient. Or whatever is what Eno and Harmonia has produced. Those were great jams to listen to when you are hangover and have to work. Just put on a headphone and relaxing time is on with it not being too hippy.

I was also blasting some fragile punk hardcore. I always come home with the desire to stay home even at weekend days and blast the Minor Threat discography. I end up walking around the town among drunken hordes of normal people and listening to the Fall and Fix. Or just regular dumb music.

Stupidity is an amazing tool when used by smart people. Dumbness is nothing to be proud of in this day an age of living on the informational highway but it’s one of the interesting things to fool around with when it can be a useful tool in your hands. This week I was watching Rival Mob videos on youtube and I have to say that band rocks live. Not to say they are dumb just because the territory of their genre is simple thus it’s not super easy to do something remarkable with a limited arsenal. But their glaze seems to be some traditional hardcore ignorance. Does it make them an ironic band? A bit. Is irony the curse of contemporary living? It is. Does this make them a band that leads us to decay? Nothing leads real punx anywhere so they are fun to listen to although I will stick to YouTube videos. And still I’m going with Boston Stranglers and Prisoner Abuse. Or Step Forward. Those bands are dirtier or less loud in the message board culture louder in my walkman. Step Forward was sick.
This night while I was trying to put together a tape’s cover I was blasting some vinyl. DYS, Siege, Violent Minds, Talking Heads and Hygiene. All dumb bands who are amazing. Primitivism is a pure form of emotions and sharp thoughts that is focused on survival. If music is nothing to help go through a life I don’t know what it is. Thus listening to dumb music is useful. As much as writing dumb columns so stick with me next month as well FOOLZ! 

#366

Always late never on time.

We played that reunion show with my first band this last Friday and it was strange. Even my parents came. My mother always told me i shouldn't scream cause it’s not good for my health and jumping on each other makes no sense.
When we finished our set i went right to them to tell her without her silent support, of letting me fuck up my life however i wanted, this could have never happened. Both of my parents liked our set a lot. The room was full with energy. It was a reunion so nostalgia and shit. All of us still have bands and most of us are playing together, touring together, and having fun together. The crowd was full with young kids, with our friends who are frequently attending shows so it was just a great night with fun, fun, fun.
Before we started playing i was siked to play that much i couldn't concentrate on anything else. I also don’t like when i have too many friends in the building and i feel like i have to split up among them to spend as much time with everyone as i think they would deserve. I ended up wondering around in the crowd sipping my beer looking for cool shirts that the bored youth wears as a statement.

At the after party i was dancing with my ex girlfriend and almost got kicked out of the place because i was making a phone call from the women’s bathroom.

Have i listened to music lately? I have heard the new Hoax for sure which is a great record. I liked them, then hated them, then i have spent night watching many of their live videos on youtube, then bought an lp and still didn't know what to think. This new lp is great though. Finally they sound close to what the hype around them is. Still think it’s like Exploited on double speed but making an lp in this day of age in the hardcore genre and not failing with it is an achievement. I wish i had more thought on them but i go for feelings when it comes to hardcore and punk. No conspiracy theory or thesis.

I have seen a Blitz video where they are playing live at some tv studio and it’s amazing. They are no doubt fucking high on speed the drummers beats his kit standing and when they finish playing you can see how angry they are on the reporter’s stupid questions. I think this is art to live like this. It’s also art what their music is.

I was in the supermarket the other day and got utterly depressed. Don’t know why but i did and it was just terrible. The only thing that made me not wanna lay down on the floor and weep was the fact that i can listen to music that is about these feelings and when i realize even from such shit beautiful things could be created i will be happy. And here I am writing this column while blasting Sonskull and Soul Swallower.

Today i restarted cooking. Made napa cabbage cold slaw and home made pizza. While i was jamming Really Red, Blank Stare, Comet Gain, Crazy Spirit. I wanna buy more records and books even if i will not listen to them all the time or make myself read them. I am afraid in a way everybody else will by books and i will end up not being able to read anything. Something that might not happen since no one is fucking buying anything that is not coming through them something machinery. But that’s alright.

The new Criminal Damage is great. Seems like everybody who is not skinhead is making great Oi! music. Writing this sentence made me wanna put up my Wipers lp cause it’s after midnight and i want those jams be my guide to the punk source of my brain. Flesh World is amazing. The one song i have heard but still that band can’t be not amazing.

There is just something really minor in music that makes all the bands i love great. I can’t tell you what it is because it’s not a secret. Or it’s THE secret. Anyway i'm glad i think i know it when i hear it.

Fuck, why is time the worst invention by man? It’s even worse then god or money.

I know too many random thoughts but this is what you get. I still love my new job even though i’m in a lot of stress because i haven’t figured out how to do it in the best way. But it’s kinda cool to work somewhere where people talk about Death in the office, i mean the Detroit one. And i could wear whatever cloths i want while i do something that i feel like has some sense. Or i will be thrown out after the intern period. Will find out.

I seriously hate to think about orders among bands i like even when i’m going through what was the best record of the year. But it just popped into my head that Total Control is might be the best band around nowadays. I know Sub Pop bla bla. Still they are combining almost every music that is amazing in this world and doing it with nothing but the pure love of sounds. Their singer is a graphomaniac hardcore guy, David West is in this band, one of the guys is a sound engineer and i love James, their drummer. Somehow they can translate their songs into the love of music which is one of the best thing that could happen to a band.
I also forgot to mention that an awesome Russian guy has visited Budapest and he gave me his band’s ep. Worshit. Unstoppable, vicious, Negative Approach fandome with a lot of filth. This shit rules and as he told me stories about how is it hard and weird to live in Russia I can understand their angst. On the other hand you can read all those horrible stories about everywhere. Is it the same everywhere? Corruption, cruelty, hatred, boredom, the lack of future? Why are humans so obsessed with future? Fuck all this. I’m sick I mean I have a sore throat not that there’s something up with my mind. It’s a gift that we can transform the world’s shit into our treasure. So fuck apathy! Make a tape!