Thursday, November 21, 2013

#367 - kinda

Hi, I'm Viktor i like to think about 10000 things at the same time and be confused and lose my attention over things like pressing the send button. That's why there is no column from me in #367. I wrote it, i have attached it to a mail but forgot to send it and i stayed in my draft map until i have sent my column for #368. But here it is. I will soon update my Hungarian Scene Report and Creem interview/report from #367.

 I had to go to the supermarket to have feeling. All I got was depression but I had my baggy pants on. Zerozero style I wanna piss in the face of the world.
Sometimes when I get really drunk I start to think about the universe. Other times I just ramble my fandom towards John Peel. This only happens once or twice a year but it happens. Then I start to stare on the sky if I’m lucky and could see the stars through the industrial dust that is a polluted curtain above my city. And think about the planet, think about life and everything. It makes no sense since I don’t think life makes any sense. Maybe it’s a joke maybe it’s a problem but not a task, or shouldn't be. Then I start to think about songs what are about space. Not Fury’s Space Love. Even if I should.
Whenever I read about dinosaurs I want to see them, whenever I read about space I want to be there, whenever I read about planets I want to observe them. But I just stay in my room and sometimes wonder out to get drunk and see bands play. My interaction with people are very rare cause I adore them but couldn't bear them. That’s alright I guess. The best thing in humanity is that our brains are sensitive enough that thank to imagination that can be triggered by emotions which are caused by art we can feel that we are floating in space. Sometimes when I’m in a room that are lacking that much stimulus I can start to hallucinate. It happened when I was making out with girls in dark rooms that had nothing but a mattress and a lovely lady who thought I'm good enough to get my tongue licked by her. Music can do the same things to me as literature. Only thing that sucks is I need to see more bands who are this cool. I wanna see how different they are than to how I imagined them and observe what they vision while they are performing their music. It’s a risky game cause lot of times nothing happens.
I was at a Blake Schwarzenbach solo show and I got goose bumps. A bit later he was standing in my kitchen telling me how English rappers are while I was fixing him a scrambled egg for breakfast. He made me imagine outer space experiences while I’m not the biggest Jawbreaker fan.
Last night I went to a show and I felt the space opening in my chest. It wasn't a decent feeling. I’m kinda depressed and confused these days what a surprise I guess exhibiting my life for more than a year now here made you a picture of how everyday life as a Hungarian punk is filled with melancholy. Yesterday bands played good. Or great I don’t know. It’s hard to say something is good when you feel they had spent a huge amount of time writing their music, practicing, and spending money on buying equipment, learn how to use them and still they end up with something I don’t like. I’m the one to blame and my taste in music. I just rather like when there are millions of bands and a few of them don’t suck. I like the humans and failure as I have said it many times. But I feel more and more disconnected with hanging at shows doing those routines with talking about things that could be said in two words. I love to hang and have conversations that are conversations not just people telling their shit and leave you. Stop this pointlessness. I’m going to shows for the punk plus. Because I like to see people presenting their ideas, their lives. I would be there if I didn't know anyone. I’m not in this for the party. Music is for the disconnected, for those who want more even if they have enough. Punk is more than music and either if it’s a threat or a protection it’s connected to some feelings what only those people own who are lacking something or want more. Even though I don’t wanna feel the void I think I want to be punk forever cause I can’t see any other thing to be or do in this life.
The only sense a person could chase through existence is I think to be happy. And music can make you that. Cause it doesn't consume your time. It escorts your moments. It makes them better. It’s just awesome. It’s danger. I like danger. I feel frightened all the time and I fuck up almost everything. I chase some ghost down hills while I’m drunk and I always fall on my face. I hate it but still it’s my life. You think it’s boring? You are right. You think it’s cool? Write jokes. That’s cool this could be done by anyone. 
Music. Nowadays I have found myself fooling around with guitars in my head. Playing music and trying to understand it a bit sometimes are opening my focus on listening to music a bit wider. I don’t mean I care more about techniques and skills. It’s just I listen to the already heard differently or being more open to jam some new shit. I have this thing with kraut rock and new wave nowadays and that mixed with ambient. Or whatever is what Eno and Harmonia has produced. Those were great jams to listen to when you are hangover and have to work. Just put on a headphone and relaxing time is on with it not being too hippy.
I was also blasting some fragile punk hardcore. I always come home with the desire to stay home even at weekend days and blast the Minor Threat discography. I end up walking around the town among drunken hordes of normal people and listening to the Fall and Fix. Or just regular dumb music.
Stupidity is an amazing tool when used by smart people. Dumbness is nothing to be proud of in this day an age of living on the informational highway but it’s one of the interesting things to fool around with when it can be a useful tool in your hands. This week I was watching Rival Mob videos on youtube and I have to say that band rocks live. Not to say they are dumb just because the territory of their genre is simple thus it’s not super easy to do something remarkable with a limited arsenal. But their glaze seems to be some traditional hardcore ignorance. Does it make them an ironic band? A bit. Is irony the curse of contemporary living? It is. Does this make them a band that leads us to decay? Nothing leads real punx anywhere so they are fun to listen to although I will stick to YouTube videos. And still I’m going with Boston Stranglers and Prisoner Abuse. Or Step Forward. Those bands are dirtier or less loud in the message board culture louder in my walkman. Step Forward was sick.
This night while I was trying to put together a tape’s cover I was blasting some vinyl. DYS, Siege, Violent Minds, Talking Heads and Hygiene. All dumb bands who are amazing. Primitivism is a pure form of emotions and sharp thoughts that is focused on survival. If music is nothing to help go through a life I don’t know what it is. Thus listening to dumb music is useful. As much as writing dumb columns so stick with me next month as well FOOLZ! 

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