EICIBPDPOM - essay on bullshit # 1/ epiphanies

If I wanna be honest my favorite kind of movies are the horrible ones. Not the bad flicks but what would creep out other people just because what they see are so true or they think it’s weird just because shows too much of life. We’re too used to beautiful people do everything even what never was their business. That’s why we honor ugliness as much as we treat it as truth. It’s the same with music. I can’t watch that many horrible movies and i only can listen to a little more bad records but I know I could create both really well. The only thing is. Making bad stuff needs guts. Punk was an adjective always but was used for shitty things. Cause back then it was just horrible music next to the professional crap that ruled poor mislead people’s ears. Now it’s not. Sometimes it’s good other times I like it as well cause I like punk music. But I can tell you the most magic happens on the terrible records. The ones what belong to once good bands. The best bands. Terrible things need to have some connection to goods otherwise I wouldn’t care about them. That’s why I couldn’t call them terrible only irrelevant. Being a sell out and writing bad music it doesn’t hurt me. I can let it go. It’s not me who changed or it’s not me who makes a wrong turn. It’s a bit disappointing sometimes. I mean who would like to see a used to be good band perform their bad songs for a crowd full of douchebags? Sometimes that’s what happens. The only thing I have the will to fight for is maybe my friends and whoever I’m in love with. I think I’m in love with someone for almost 10 years. I haven’t seen her for almost a year but who cares. I don’t wanna let it go. Cause at least I’m in love. But listening to good music is so much easier then give your heart an other meaning what is different than just an organ. If you heard good music just once in your life you don’t have to worry about you’ll hear something terrible. Cause there’s always an escape. I have been in bands and even though I only sing I’ve been there at the rehearsals almost all the time cause I just love to see how songs have been put together from the beginning. And the only thing a band should never say is “well, they might not like it”. I need to believe that bands write bad songs cause they like them or it’s the only way they can express themselves. Being bad and boring not always means you want to fit in with the trend. Sometimes it is indicated by the trend and maybe prison rape is sadder than this case. But playing boring music needs guts. By time people only accept self expression if it comes with originality. But as time goes ahead it just gets harder. While anyone should have the opportunity to express themselves the way they want, the majority of it will be just boring or clichéish. So what? It will turn out that the world is a boring place? No, cause thousands of boring bands existing and providing boring music is just fun fun fun. I think craziness is a huge field that very poorly exploited. When I was younger I thought late era Black Flag sucked. While now I’m in love with it. I thought they went crazy and maybe they did for real but late era Black Flag is just pure awesomeness. Their early songs are amazing too. But most of them are just amazing songs one after another while their late stuff is so complex and a whole record just feels like only one big number. And when I’m only listening to one song from that era it feels like a whole album. It gathers so many things up. All the uncomfortable things what in those records became features I’m glad that I had or still have. I can appreciate loneliness if it comes along with the appreciation of Black Flag. I used to think Descendent sucked but they doesn’t. Their weird songs are almost their best. I thought Bad Brains sucked beginning with I against I and I think I’m right. But SSD’s and DYS’ rock records and the second Antidote release, Into the Unknown, all these really terrible records. Jesus should die again for these. I can’t stop smiling on how stupid and lame these albums are and how crazy they had to go to write these. And how cool it is that they actually did it?! I think that the world is just a beautiful place with all it’s fucked up things in it. All the bad ideas, and creepy results just make everything more interesting. There’s beauty in every fucked up situation. I realized that when I was watching a Ratos De Porao show with a plastic bag full of cheap beer in Czech republic. One of the most beautiful shows I’ve ever seen. It was long, they were old but still I loved every minute. It was as beautiful as a dead baby who chocked in her aids infected crackwhore mother’s vomit. I don’t think that there’s a god and even if there is it wouldn’t create such scenes. So we people do such horribly outrageous things with each other but it just makes our existence one of the most complex and interesting thing in the galaxy. I realized that while watching a chubby brazilian guy showing and shaking his old tongue. I felt like I’ve been awakened. I was around so many weirdly too cool people. They seemed to be too right. I didn’t care. I realized at that moment seeing a beautiful girl in a Void shirt is just awesome. And I’m probably never gonna know her. So in my head she loves Void and United Mutation and No Trend and all this mutant-core and other sub-genres’ cool bands. The truth might could spoiled this image in my head but I’m not gonna care about other people’s truth when I could care about mine. I’ve learned there that I should just appreciate everything that looks and sounds good. And look on bad things as parts of the whole madness. Now I can appreciate almost everything for some time.