EICIBPDPOM - essay on bullshit # 3

Have no idea why. But i like music what other people find unlistenable. I like these bands so much that sometimes with the enthusiasm what i have for punk i can prove or more correctly cheat people into believing that the bands i like are actually good listens. It’s always cute when someone pretends or believes that what they are made to listen to is good for them. If it was they would already know. It’s true. I’m not listening to punk rock because that was my only choice. I wasn’t forced. From the beginning i liked two types of music: the very catchy and the very heavy. I knew fucking nothing neither about noisy, brutal bands nor what could power pop or garage rock be. My brother only listened to Nirvana and Jungle music and of course because he was the older i hated everything what he liked. No influence from the people above me. No fucking way. I remember i saw the album covers and t-shirt of bands like metallica, iron maiden, megadeath as cheap items for foreign tourists on pointless holiday based streets. I just wondered around them. I couldn’t speak english then but somehow i figured out megadeath should have meant something my mother wouldn’t really be pleased to know i’m a fan of at such a young age. So I stayed silent about it. But because these bands were popular that much a little clueless prick like me could know their names it meant they had terrible songs what music televisions could air. During summers my grandmas were looking after me at our flat. One of them only watched the live parliament broadcasting and yelled pimps, fuckers, pagans, sinners and other nice names on every politician which is to look back kinda cool but back then was confusing as hell. The other didn’t really give a damn about me. She was just trying to fill out her crossword puzzles but because she is old and back in the day it was much different she didn’t really have the schools what would be enough to fill out a cross world puzzle. So i was harmlessly watching horror movies on tv channels specialized to trash and besides horror I was hooked by some eastern european music channels. Which worked as video clip jukeboxes. I remember how excited i was when bands like the ones listed above hit the screen. When their names came up. The creepy video clips were alright. Then when i realized their songs just suck i couldn’t really understand the whole thing. Iron Maiden shirts looked awesome. While their music is terrible. Full with solos, people are actually singing in high and clean voices, the songs were disturbingly long. Nothing fit. Megadeath played ballads and i knew there’s got to be something faster, louder, shorter and more brutal. If there isn’t a video like A Tout Le Monde I could never become a punk. That thing pissed me off enough that I spent my life from then on searching for music what is better. And the result is. Almost everything is better. Well the huge seek for brutal songs wasn’t started then. Ultra melodic one summer hits just enchanted me from focusing on the serious mission. Then of course years have come and gone and i’ve listened to lots of shitty bands, believed in bands who suck bla bla fucking bla. What matters it was a fun ride since i did it mostly all alone. The highly intolerant local scene never treated me like shit. Or maybe they did but I have never noticed or cared about the most of it. I just loved the music, the attitude and the smell of how cheap cigarettes and cheaper beer mixed in sweat reeked air. I love discovering new bands all by myself and then have conversations about them. I never wanted to be a part of something big that connects me with everyone. I love the method of punks are being friendly with each other all over the world and sharing floors, nerd outs, beers even if they just know each other for minutes. But I’m just as fine with the fact that most of the time I’m sitting here alone at home listening to music. I couldn’t do it in connection with other people. I sometimes even hate showing music to other people. Bands I’m truly in love with. Cause I find it intimate. Some things are just too personal to show. And I hate searching for my own reactions on other people’s faces. I could say that I like the connection within me and the bands but I gotta love some assholes’ bands too and it’s true: in the listeners’ heads every band is just better. Punk is good in my head. Cause I like punk. Maybe that’s why I am one.